Disclaimer: This story is a part of our April Fool’s edition, The Goofordian. This story was created by Guilfordian Staff and is not based in fact.

Saturday night saw the close of Guilford’s 2021 Serendipity week. After a turbulent 2020, the Guilford administration wanted to make the Serendipity closing concert an iconic one, and to do so they polled the students to find the perfect guest.

After a week of voting the results came in, and by the thinnest of margins, Kazoo Kid won the vote. The final results were as follows: Kazoo Kid with 35 percent, Smashmouth with 34 percent, Nickleback with 20 percent and the remaining 11 percent wanted a fourth option. Controversy arose after the poll had to be reposted two days after the voting began, stopping the count and effectively resetting the numbers. The Smashmouth supporters who had amassed a commanding lead claimed that the repost of the social media poll was intended to favor Kazoo Kid.

To put these emotions into perspective I spoke with a few different sources who have asked to remain anonymous about the matter. 

“I voted for Smashmouth, and while I am upset with the result, sometimes the world is gonna roll you,” the first source said. “I guess the people within the administration aren’t the sharpest tools in the shed.” 

When I asked about their plans for the concert, they told me: “I might just skip it because there is just so much to do, so much to see other than that (the concert), but you’ll never know if you don’t go.” 

The second person I spoke to has been vocal in their support of Kazoo Kid. When I tried to interview them, they would only play long notes on a kazoo and say “just kazoo it” after each question.

To gain the perspective of the administration, I reached out to the Division of Student Affairs, who told me they would make sure to prevent these mishaps from reoccurring. 

Although emotions still ran high, Saturday’s concert went very smoothly. The energy of the crowd was nothing short of electric, and many were brought to tears of joy. 

“Kazoo Kid’s music is so advanced that the elite among us cannot even attempt to understand an inkling of his vast knowledge,” said Music Professor Andrew Hays. 

The concert dragged on into the late hours of the night, closing with a monologue from Kazoo Kid himself. As the crowd fell quiet, Kazoo Kid sat his kazoo down on a stool and approached the microphone. The anticipation made the air thicker than syrup. The silence only broke when Kazoo Kid began to speak.

“I’ll tell you a secret,” he said. “Sometimes I get a little… quiet, when I meet lots of new kids. You know what? I think we’re going to be friends. Special friends. And when I’m with friends, I’d like to have fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun. I like to sing, dance, pretend and Kaaazoooo. Kaaazoooo, just Kaaazoooo it.”

The crowd erupted into cheers; even those who opposed the performance joined in for a beautiful show of unity.

If there is any message to take from this weekend, I would say it’s that no matter how divided we may seem, there is no problem that a kazoo cannot solve.