Goof: Guilford Juggalos call for ICP at Serendipity

Disclaimer: This story is a part of out April Fool’s edition, The Goofordian. This story was created by Guilfordian Staff and is not based in fact.

 

Another year, another Serendipity disappointment. Call it foolish naivete, but every springtime, I think to myself: “This time, the Serendipity committee will do things right. They will get the Insane Clown Posse to perform.”

My hopes? Dashed. My dreams? Shattered. My clown face paint? On, no matter what the haters think.

The Insane Clown Posse, often abbreviated as ICP, are the premier rap duo of our generation. They are widely known for their clown makeup and legion of fans called “Juggalos.”

Effortlessly blending philosophical lyrics with bright and bombastic live performances, the way ICP marries performance art and hip hop is breathtaking. The first ICP song I ever listened to was “Miracles.” The song poses questions about the mysteries of our universe while also marveling at its beauty. The lyric “Water, fire, air and dirt/F***ing magnets, how do they work?” was the catalyst for me arriving at a sublime epiphany.

I was so stunned and emotionally concussed after listening to “Miracles” that I took a vow of silence for three months. When I finally opened my mouth again, I was able to speak the language of the gods. I attribute this spiritual awakening entirely to ICP.

I took another metaphysical journey when I realized the concept of the “Dark Carnival” that spanned their discography. Bending monotheistic concepts of “heaven” and “hell,” the Dark Carnival is an ICP-crafted mythology wherein evil souls are punished at a demented and twisted carnival.

Listening to ICP isn’t merely an act of pleasure; it is a moral act as well. Whenever I slip on my gamer headphones and drift away into the world of music, ICP reminds me that such pleasurable and hedonistic tendencies are something that need to be monitored.

In this life, every immoral and evil deed I commit is one more tally that could potentially send me to the Dark Carnival.

We are all torn in twain between evil and righteousness. Hope and despair.

These concepts are best embodied in ICP’s fifth album, “The Amazing Jeckel Brothers.” The album tells the tale of two brothers, Jack the Sinister and Jake the Just, as they juggle blood-covered balls that represent mortality and death. For every sin, another ball is added the the whirlwind of juggling. In the album’s finale, Jack throws Jake a curveball to see if he will lose his handling and let the balls fall; according to ICP lore, if a soul sees the balls drop, they will be condemned to hell. If the soul sees Jake successfully juggle the curve ball, they will be granted entry into heaven.

This moral quandary, this battle against good and evil, caused a single tear to roll down my cheek. That tear, imbued with the wisdom of thousands of juggalos before me, fell onto the soil beneath my feet.

A looming tree that dispenses riddles and morality tests to passersby sprouted from that tear. It stands in the Guilford woods to this day.

I am asking, no, begging the Serendipity board to get the Insane Clown Posse to come to our campus. It would mean so much to us Guilford juggalos, and I sincerely believe, the campus as a whole. If ICP headlines Serendipity, we wouldn’t merely be attending a concert; it would be a rare encounter with beings akin to gods.

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