Goof: Elon Musk, Tesla to release giant robots

Disclaimer: This story is a part of out April Fool’s edition, The Goofordian. This story was created by Guilfordian Staff and is not based in fact.

 

Almost six months after the initial tweet that promised the world its very first mecha, Elon Musk finally unveiled to the world his next project at a home press conference: a line of luxurious and eco-friendly giant robots. Citing his inspiration from the “Pacific Rim” franchise as well as various anime such as “Mobile Suit Gundam,” Musk unveiled the very first prototype to the press at one of his various Los Angeles mansions, weighing in at around 42 tons and a height of 15 meters.

“Why would you drive cars when you could drive giant robots, you meandering buffoons?” said Musk as he began his press conference.

Complete with a mounted machine gun turret, homemade flamethrower and space grade rocket thrusters, Musk stressed the fact that these mechs are in fact eco-friendly and billed more as a luxury than a defense. Going on to say that these top of the line robots are suitable for all kinds of personal and professional tasks such as construction and space exploration, Musk decided that a demonstration was in order.

He soon proceeded to give the press a live display of the robot’s capabilities by flying it around his neighborhood and setting all non-Tesla branded automobiles ablaze. After receiving a standing ovation from the crowd, Musk went into more detail on the conception of the project and invited his personal development team into the conference for more descriptive details.

Officials close to Musk confirmed that the project has been a passion of his ever since he sat down for lunch with “Transformers” director Michael Bay and fictitious billionaire Tony Stark, claiming that he was inspired to bring the world one step closer to that of the anime and movies he loves to sample in his free time. Using the success of Tesla automotives, Musk believed that mecha should be the next logical step forward in the world of mechanical innovation.

While Musk is far from the first person to begin research on mecha, he cited stolen research notes from Sakakibara Machinery Works Co., a Japanese robotics company, was his main edge over the competition. When asked about the legal repercussions of the act, Musk was quick to change the subject as he showcased the mech’s top of the line sound system, blaring the main theme from “Pacific Rim” to distract the press from asking about such “frivolous logic,” as Musk described it.

“Mass production will begin very soon, at around $1 billion a unit, and I think we have the capability of leaving the automobile behind in the dust,” Musk said before he opened the floor to some final questions from the press.

Among the questions asked, common themes such as practicality costs, traffic concerns and general misuse of the mechs emerged, visibly angering the South-African billionaire as he refused to raise awareness to any of these concerns.

Citing the entire conference as a “huge waste of his valuable time,” Musk proceeded to lock himself inside the robot and set the room ablaze.

“You’ll see! One day you fools will all recognize my brilliance,” shouted Musk as he frantically chased the screaming reporters out of his now destroyed house in Los Angeles.

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