Goof: Jane becomes Fortnite legend


Jane, the master at Fortnite, once defeated 80 players in one game of Fortnite.//Photo done by: Andrew Walker

Disclaimer: This story is a part of out April Fool’s edition, The Goofordian. This story was created by Guilfordian Staff and is not based in fact.


If you live anywhere besides a pineapple under the sea, you and all of your friends have heard about the notorious Fortnite Battle Royale that is sweeping the nation. This 100 player battle has been steadily growing from its season one debut. There are quite a few historic players that have hit the scene within the past eight seasons. As expected, Ninja remains relatively popular with his 100,000 Twitch subscribers and 100,000 kills. He is still one of the top earners from the game itself. However, in recent weeks, there has been a new competitor rising the ranks in competition for the top spot.

Some may know, some may have only heard, but the lady, the myth, the legend, Jane Fernandes, is here to take the Fortnite Battle Royale community by storm and dethrone Ninja as top dog. She is emerging as one of the greatest to ever pick up a controller, mouse or analog stick. Xbox One, Playstation 4, Nintendo Wii, Nintendo Switch, iPhone, PC, you name it, Jane can do it all. Legend has it that Jane once finished first place in the game on all platforms… simultaneously. While her following may not be as vast as Ninja’s 100,000, she does have one thing to her advantage. Ninja’s following only nets him about $3 each, while Jane Fernandes nets in almost a whopping $45,000 per subscriber. This quickly brings her to the top in net earnings as a Fortnite Battle Royale player. Her following is expected to rise rapidly in the upcoming seasons as well as she hopes her “edgy” approach reaches out to the community and brings additional support.

Not only is she sweeping the nation when it comes to net earnings from the game, her K/D ratio is through the roof and her Win/Loss ratio is flawless. In the past week Jane has won over 800 battle royales with no losses, holding the Guiness World Record for most consecutive wins. This is no surprise for someone of Jane’s caliber.

“I don’t get what the big deal is,” Fernandes said. “I wake up in the morning and greatness happens.”

Many believed this may just be a glitch in the system when Jane first emerged, so I took it upon myself to do a little research into her greatness. After a few days of bargaining, Jane agreed to meet me in playground mode. I spent all week training myself, doing nothing but practicing my aim, building and strategy. However, it was all pointless, as my game knew what was going to happen as soon as I came in contact with her. I was instantly eliminated, unable to even get back on the battle bus. Just like that, I knew we were dealing with someone special. Jane, being the nice person that she is, assured me that it happens to everyone and that I was not just trash at the game. Yet her words meant nothing as I suffered the agony of defeat and was escorted from her humble abode.

Is there anyone who can beat her? As I pondered this idea, I came to a solution to figure things out once and for all.

I contacted Pay-Per-View and arranged what may be the biggest event of all time. Forget about Connor McGregor vs Floyd Mayweather, JANE FERNANDES VS NINJA, 1v1 for the title of top dog in the Fortnite Battle Royale community. Winner take all, loser retires from the game, just the way it should be. I don’t know about you, but my money is on Jane “Samurai” Fernandes.