The Guilfordian

Goof: Duck should be our student body president

Goof: Duck should be our student body president

Hannah Shoemaker, Not a Duck

March 30, 2018


Filed under Goofordian 2018, In Print

Disclaimer: This story is a part of out April Fool’s edition, The Goofordian. This story was created by Guilfordian Staff and is not based in fact. You know him. You may love him. You may fear him. And now, you will vote for him. When I first heard that that one weird duck (you know, the one with t...

Guilford to host FIFA World Cup in 2k22

James Sharpe, Sepp Blatter’s #1 Fan

April 1, 2016


Filed under Sports

Disclaimer: This story is a part of our April Fool’s edition, The Goofordian. This story was created by Guilfordian staff and is not based in fact. “I can’t believe that I am saying this,” said Guilford College President Jane Fernandes. “We have some exciting news regarding the FIFA Wor...

Students split further, club sports take stand

Students split further, club sports take stand

Maksym Kosachevskyy, Club-Sport Enthusiast

April 1, 2016


Filed under Sports, Top Stories

Disclaimer: This story is a part of our April Fool’s edition, The Goofordian. This story was created by Guilfordian staff and is not based in fact. “We will not stand for this,” said sophomore Jordan Smith of the Utimate Frisbee team. “Not only can I not attend classes anymore, all of the c...

Surprisingly, the Indoors Club hates the outside

Elizabeth Houde, Indoors Club Founder

April 1, 2016


Filed under Features

Disclaimer: This story is a part of our April Fool’s edition, The Goofordian. This story was created by Guilfordian staff and is not based in fact. Long before there was Guilford College, there was a Guilford College Indoors Club. The Indoors Club was formed in response to a concerned Guilford...

English major barely makes it out of Frank alive

English major barely makes it out of Frank alive

Aubrey King, Trauma Counselor

April 1, 2016


Filed under Features, Top Stories

Disclaimer: This story is a part of our April Fool’s edition, The Goofordian. This story was created by Guilfordian staff and is not based in fact. When I finally sat down with senior English major Eric Perierat in front of Founders Hall, the lines in his face were deep, and his hair stood almost s...

Guilford aims to make college great again

Tessa Wood, Trump’s Campaign Organizer

April 1, 2016


Filed under Features

Disclaimer: This story is a part of our April Fool’s edition, The Goofordian. This story was created by Guilfordian staff and is not based in fact. Over the past few years, an influx of people representing various cultures has invaded the Guilford College campus. Students are mad, teachers are upse...

“Yeezus” steps up as Guilford’s next Prez

DaeQuan Fitzgerald, Head of PR for Kanye West

April 1, 2016


Filed under Features

Disclaimer: This story is a part of our April Fool’s edition, The Goofordian. This story was created by Guilfordian staff and is not based in fact. It all happened so fast. Earlier this week, a rehearsal speech to be given by Guilford College’s president, Jane Fernandes, was taking place in...

Staff Editorial: dissent over the swings

Editorial Board

April 1, 2016


Filed under Opinion

Disclaimer: This story is a part of our April Fool’s edition, The Goofordian. This story was created by Guilfordian staff and is not based in fact. Normally, the Editorial Board comes to consensus on the topics for our staff editorials. However, there is one topic that is too divisive for us to ag...

We’re gonna be on MTV!!!

Estavio Jones, Staff-Bunny

April 1, 2016


Filed under Opinion

Disclaimer: This story is a part of our April Fool’s edition, The Goofordian. This story was created by Guilfordian staff and is not based in fact. MTV is coming to Guilford!?! That’s right, due to the lingering budget crisis and crippling financial pressures, Guilford College has agreed t...