Guilford aims to make college great again

Disclaimer: This story is a part of our April Fool’s edition, The Goofordian. This story was created by Guilfordian staff and is not based in fact.

Over the past few years, an influx of people representing various cultures has invaded the Guilford College campus. Students are mad, teachers are upset and the administration is fed up. Guilford has deemed the time to do something as now, and it begins with, yes, Donald Trump.

Trying to deal with the more diverse population has been causing anxiety amongst students. This has forced the administration to leap into action to dispel the tension amongst the differing groups. The solution involves classic Americanism and directly links to one of Trump’s core ideas: a wall.

“I think after Trump’s visit here in North Carolina the political conversation and agenda at Guilford was really invigorated,” said junior Johnny Robinson, pesident of Guilford’s Republicans Today Club. “It reminded us students what good politics looks like and made us all want to get more involved. The new wall incentive seems like the perfect way to do just that.”

Trump’s North Carolina rally had a large Guilford audience and left students feeling obligated to do something. This drive manifested itself in the idea for the wall. The students developed and pitched the idea, and now the administration is running with it.

“When I first heard the idea of a wall I was shocked, but it really has morphed into something great,” said Interim Director of Public Safety Brock Sampson. “Our biggest priority currently is just getting the construction completed.”

Guilford has contracted the work to Carolina Coordinators Inc., and the wall is scheduled to finish by August of the 2016 fall semester. With the construction taking place on all sides of the campus, there were some worries about the aesthetic factors. However, administration has received no student complaints.

“It has been pretty hectic walking around campus with the construction going on, but I think we are all just so excited to see the final product that it has not been a bother,” said sophomore Ron Adams. “The fact that the idea sprouted from someone so admired on campus makes it all the better, plus I do not do much studying, so the noise is not an issue.”

The vast majority of the feedback from the students and surrounding community has been positive with a low amount of objections.

“Working on this project has merely strengthened my opposition to Trump, especially as a minority,” said construction worker who choose to remain anonymous. “Trump does not need to build a wall. If he wins, we will happily flee.”

All other workers involved with the building declined an interview.

However, staying in line with Trump’s principles, Guilford has chosen to disregard the negative comment. The college continues to be undeterred and see the wall as the most beneficial course of action for the school.

“I think this action on Guilford’s part might cause slight controversy within the community, but that is what the college is known for,” said Assistant Director for Multicultural Education Suzanne White ’81. “We take revolutionary actions for the betterment of our nation. The students are hands-on politically and deserve a campus that represents this.”

Guilford’s campus is buzzing with excitement and hopes for positive outcomes once the wall is complete. Students are ready to get back to a normal learning environment that is constructive to their single-minded thinking, where they will no longer feel threatened by the diversity around them.

“Trump would like to commend the efforts of the student body at Guilford College and extends his deepest thanks for the support,” said Campaign Assistant Stacy Adams in an email interview. “Just as Trump will make America great again, your students are making Guilford great again.”

priority currently is just getting the construction completed.”

Guilford has contracted the work to Carolina Coordinators Inc., and the wall is scheduled to finish by August of the 2016 fall semester. With the construction taking place on all sides of the campus, there were some worries about the aesthetic factors. However, administration has received no student complaints.

“It has been pretty hectic walking around campus with the construction going on, but I think we are all just so excited to see the final product that it has not been a bother,” said sophomore Ron Adams. “The fact that the idea sprouted from someone so admired on campus makes it all the better, plus I do not do much studying, so the noise is not an issue.”

The vast majority of the feedback from the students and surrounding community has been positive with a low amount of objections.

“Working on this project has merely strengthened my opposition to Trump, especially as a minority,” said construction worker who choose to remain anonymous. “Trump does not need to build a wall. If he wins, we will happily flee.”

All other workers involved with the building declined an interview.

However, staying in line with Trump’s principles, Guilford has chosen to disregard the negative comment. The college continues to be undeterred and see the wall as the most beneficial course of action for the school.

“I think this action on Guilford’s part might cause slight controversy within the community, but that is what the college is known for,” said Assistant Director for Multicultural Education Suzanne White ’81. “We take revolutionary actions for the betterment of our nation. The students are hands-on politically and deserve a campus that represents this.”

Guilford’s campus is buzzing with excitement and hopes for positive outcomes once the wall is complete. Students are ready to get back to a normal learning environment that is constructive to their single-minded thinking, where they will no longer feel threatened by the diversity around them.

“Trump would like to commend the efforts of the student body at Guilford College and extends his deepest thanks for the support,” said Campaign Assistant Stacy Adams in an email interview. “Just as Trump will make America great again, your students are making Guilford great again.”