Guilford to host FIFA World Cup in 2k22

Disclaimer: This story is a part of our April Fool’s edition, The Goofordian. This story was created by Guilfordian staff and is not based in fact.

“I can’t believe that I am saying this,” said Guilford College President Jane Fernandes. “We have some exciting news regarding the FIFA World Cup for 2022.”

Guilford has recently come to an agreement with FIFA officials and multiple national soccer teams across globe. That decision is to host the World Cup in 2022.

Many questions have been raised about this idea, but ultimately, Qatar was not appropriate for this event, but Guilford was the perfect replacement.

“I think that this is a splendid decision,” said recently suspended FIFA President Sepp Blatter. “There were too many rumors about Qatar’s stadium construction, and some shady activity that was going on behind the scenes, which I certainly do not condone.”

“This is a great way to change people’s opinions about the world of soccer, FIFA and myself.”

Switching the location of the 2022 World Cup has brought about many questions. The first and most mind-boggling question is, how will a quarter million people fit onto Guilford’s campus, much less into Armfield Athletic Center?

On top of that dilemma, parking, lodging, appropriate locker rooms and meeting rooms will also be concerns.

“Yes, there are some minor setbacks,” said Blatter. “But I do believe that this is the best possible choice. People could carpool, and multiple players could share dorm rooms.”

“Besides, all of the nations in the World Cup get along, so multiple nations could live together for a few weeks.”

The World Cup has been known to bring in hundreds of thousands of people. Guilford College may have trouble finding seating and lodging, but the atmosphere will be magical.

“I am just thrilled to see this taking place,” said assistant soccer coach Robby Shamess. “I am excited to see the talent, and I think that this will be great for Guilford as a school. I am also thrilled to have the Swiss national team staying with me during the event.”

“Having 40 Swiss men staying in my home for six weeks will most likely be the best experience of my life. My wife, however, is not thrilled to hear this news.”

Many faculty and staff have volunteered their homes to different nation’s soccer teams. This is a great opportunity for Guilford to grow as a school, and to experience some extreme diversity.

“I have volunteered my home to China’s national team,” said Aassociate Professor of Rreligious Sstudies Eric Mortensen. “This is possibly the most bizarre idea that I have ever heard of, but I think that everyone will benefit from this, and my family is so excited to sleep in a tent for a few weeks. We will call it family bonding.”

Preparation for this event will be beginning promptly in order to allow ample time for setting up stages and bringing in such a large crowd.

This was a quick and impulsive decision, but Guilford is fully prepared to take on the challenge.

“Guilford will be an excellent grounds for the World Cup,” said Blatter. “I am fully confident that this is a wise decision and though there will be a few minor setbacks, I will, for once, take full responsibility for any mishaps that occur.

“No bribe could change my mind about that.”