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The Guilfordian

The student news site of Guilford College

The Guilfordian

The student news site of Guilford College

The Guilfordian

English major barely makes it out of Frank alive

Karlen Lambert/Guilfordian Courtesy of
Senior Eric Perierat desperately wandered the halls of Frank for three days before escaping. The Guilfordian encourages all English majors to exercise extreme caution before entering unfamiliar buildings, use the buddy system when possible and carry copies of “Paradise Lost” for reference at all times

Disclaimer: This story is a part of our April Fool’s edition, The Goofordian. This story was created by Guilfordian staff and is not based in fact.

When I finally sat down with senior English major Eric Perierat in front of Founders Hall, the lines in his face were deep, and his hair stood almost straight on end. In his hands, he held a bottle of water and a copy of “War and Peace.”

Two weeks ago, Perierat wandered into Frank Science Building between classes to find a bathroom. What should have been a 10-minute detour turned into a three-day ordeal that put Perierat’s survival skills to the ultimate test.

“As soon as I walked in the door, I knew it was going to be harder than I expected,” said Perierat. “The scientific jargon on the walls told me nothing about where to go, and soon I was hopelessly lost.”

After spending the waning hours of his first day in the building wondering in circles through the first-floor lab rooms, Perierat spent the night in the stairwell.

“The steps were incredibly cold and hard, but I didn’t have much of a choice,” Perierat said.

For the next three days, Perierat tried his best to find a bathroom on the second floor.

Perierat had a hard time remembering anything past the second day, so we decided I would guide him through Frank and retrace the steps of his journey.

Though much shorter than Perierat’s experience, our three-hour trip through the quiet science halls felt like an eternity as the shell-shocked senior struggled to remember what happened.

“I think I ate something from in there,” Perierat said, pointing to a cabinet of chemicals in the chemistry lab on the third floor. “It tasted awful, but I was desperate.”

When asked if Perierat’s diet may have been harmful, Associate Professor of Chemistry Gail Webster had an interesting response.

“It probably wasn’t the best option,” Webster said. “But at least he didn’t take anything from the faculty refrigerator.”

As our time in Frank drew to a close, Perierat recalled how he escaped from his scientific prison.

“Falling down the stairs really hurt,” Perierat said. “I rolled for what felt like forever, and when I finally stopped, I was next to a door leading outside.”

Immediately following his escape, many on campus questioned how three days of class had gone by without anyone helping Perierat.

“Chemistry and physics students are always tired,” said first-year chemistry major Jane Mendax. “I was in Frank two of those days. I’m pretty sure I saw (Perierat), but I thought he was just another one of us sleep-deprived Chem 112 students.”

Mendax was not the only one to notice Perierat. His roommate, senior Adrian Malum, also saw him on the way to his morning physics class.

“The first thing he said when he saw me was that he wanted to go home,” Malum said. “I chuckled and told him he was home, then he began laughing hysterically. It seemed like a harmless joke at the time, really.”

Two weeks after the Frank Incident, as it is already being called, Perierat is beginning to recover.

“I’ve been studying a map of the building every night, so if I have to pee on my way to Shakespeare in Dana, I’ll be okay,” Perierat said.

More than just looking after himself, Perierat is also looking to ensure the safety of other English majors who have never set foot in the menacing brick building.

“WSAFF — We Stay Away From Frank — is already helping my whole creative writing course find less confusing places to use the restroom,” Perierat said. “We meet every Tuesday in Dana Hall. It’s the furthest building on campus from Frank.”

Perierat encourages anyone nervous about where to go on campus to stop by the meetings and most of all to be careful which doors you walk through.

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Aubrey King, Features Editor

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    Caleb AmstutzApr 20, 2016 at 10:30 am

    Well written story. I definitely want to hear more!