Jell-O is the new orange, green, purple, red…
Aarushi Ahuja, Food Critic
April 1, 2017
Filed under The Goofordian 2017
Guilford Dining is dedicated to sustainable practices and managing its waste in the most reasonable manner possible. Right now, campus dining services are leading the charge sparking the widespread boycott against waste producing fresh fruits and vegetables by replacing all existing food items with red,...
American Idol, college edition, comes to Guilford
Precious Adisa, Contributing Writer
April 1, 2017
Filed under The Goofordian 2017
Simon Fuller, popularly known for managing the Spice Girls, is also the mastermind behind the “Idol” franchise that spawned “Pop Idol” and “American Idol” In an exclusive interview with The Guilfordian, Fuller discusses his “College Edition of American Idol” and the concept behind...
Hot Brazilians better choice for romantic life partners, superior to American lovers
Beatriz Caldas, Brazilian Matchmaker
April 1, 2017
Filed under The Goofordian 2017
If there is one thing our generation is tired, of it’s being alone. Thanks to the amount of exposure we receive from other people’s lives through social media, it is hard not to envy them, especially when they have someone to kiss and we don’t. Apparently the parties in the South Apartments...
Letter to the Editor
Your friendly neighborhood conservative
April 1, 2017
Filed under The Goofordian 2017
To Whom It May Concern: With the post-election environment on campus becoming increasingly anti-conservative and anti-Republican, I wanted to take this opportunity to explain my white, male, conservative feelings. That’s right. I used the f-word. I have those things. I’m actually a really...
Humanities students all do drugs, y’all
Maksym Kosachevskyy, The Sober Friend
April 1, 2017
Filed under The Goofordian 2017
“I’ll be there in five minutes,” said sophomore Billie “Country” Nelson on the phone. I met Nelson in my macroeconomics class when we were placed in the same group for a project. I happened to overhear that he was involved in the narcotics business, so around the time of midterms, I asked...
Hissssss honk, honk hiss, honk-hooooonk
Alayna Bradley, Resident Goose
April 1, 2017
Filed under The Goofordian 2017
Last week, I was meandering across the quad in front of Hege-Cox when a student honked at me. He then raised his arms, mimicking the way me and my friends raise our wings when we feel threatened. He then laughed and walked away, leaving me confused and angry. This isn’t a rare occurrence. I am...
PLOT TWIST: Pres Fernandes now supports Trump
Ian Penny, Secret Russian Mole
April 1, 2017
Filed under The Goofordian 2017
Last November, to the chagrin of students, faculty and administrators at Guilford College, Donald Trump became the 45th president of the United States. Now, some are ready to accept and support the commander-in-chief. “In my blog, I’ve previously voiced concern about the social policies that President...
Lesser white man favored by administration, probably
Grace Vanfleet, Woman who has valid concerns
April 1, 2017
Filed under The Goofordian 2017
Spring has sprung, full of crocuses and pollen, and with it, so too has our anxiety. Luckily for us, we are down to the last two finalists for assistant director for student counseling and success, a position vital to the continued mental wellness of students. Both Greg Purloin and Helen Flinton have...
Guilford terminates contract with Under Armour
Andrew Walker, Trump Supporter
April 1, 2017
Filed under The Goofordian 2017
Guilford College’s President Jane Fernandes issued a statement that the Quakers’ athletic teams will no longer wear Under Armour uniforms due to the CEO of Under Armour, Kevin Plank, praising President Donald Trump. Guilford’s athletic teams will be banned from wearing Under Armour gear at any...
