On June 27, video game streamer Matty Roberts created an event on Facebook titled, “Storm Area 51.” Boasting the tagline “they can’t stop all of us,” (to which the cynical would reply, “they absolutely can”) Roberts’ event humorously suggested that swarms of people raid the highly classified air force in Nevada in order to see the UFOs and aliens that conspiracy theorists claim are hidden there.

On Sept. 20, the day of the fateful event arrived, but with a distinct lack of extraterrestrial life. Approximately 6,000 people, primarily Vloggers, journalists and meme-lovers, gathered in the nearby town of Rachel, Nevada for the event dubbed “Alien-Stock.” While Alien-Stock itself was notably lackluster (only one of the 20 bands slated to play showed up), it serves as a testament to how far people are willing to go for internet jokes and online content.

Even though no Alien-Stock goers were willing to storm the gates of Area 51 for the sake of our alien allies, Guilfordians shared their infiltration strategies. Senior Colin Dossel claims to have a fool-proof plan that he could carry out solo.

“I would Naruto run through the fence,” Dossel said, referencing the iconic running style of anime character Naruto Uzumaki. “Then I would flaming roundhouse kick all the guards.” 

Junior Sarah Smith opts for a sneakier method.

“I’d just use the entrance nobody else knows about that’s around the back,” Smith said. “I would pretend I was delivering Postmates.” 

No concrete evidence has been made public about extraterrestrials being held in Area 51. Despite this lack of information, senior Noah Lindberg believes that aliens are already among us, in addition to being under lock and key in Area 51.

“I know the burden of proof is on me, but intuitively, it makes sense. If there is intelligent life that has come to Earth, do you really think they are all locked up in Area 51?” Lindberg said. “No. There are plenty of them around.”

If aliens exist on Earth, then it begs the question; why have they not made their presence known?

“One of my favorite theories about aliens is that they don’t interact with us because they don’t care about us. They don’t see us as intelligent life,” Lindberg said. “For example, we don’t (mess) with ants that much. You don’t think of them as being worthy of contacting, and you don’t attempt to communicate with them That’s how aliens view us.”

Lindberg discussed two other theories regarding lack of extraterrestrial contact: the “Big Filter” and “Early Bird” hypotheses.

“(The Big Filter) is this effect in the universe that’s stopping life from going beyond its own planet,” Lindberg said. “It’s an evolutionary filter that stops life when it gets so advanced. We’re either one of the few species in the universe that has made it past that filter, or we haven’t hit it yet; and that’s the scary possibility.

(The Early Bird hypothesis) states that Earth is a relatively young planet in terms of the universe, which has been going on and will go on for a long time. We’re maybe one of the first intelligent species, and other planets haven’t caught up with us yet.”

According to Smith, aliens choose not to contact humankind out of a sense of disgust as well as a desire to have peaceful lives. Area 51 is not a prison to them, but rather a haven.

“(Aliens) have seen us, and they’re not impressed,” Smith said. “They probably came here initially to join our society, but then when they saw it, they were like, ‘Nah. I’m going to head out. We’re going to make our own place.’”

Smith entertained the possibility that aliens have idyllic family lives in Area 51. 

“I’m picturing suburban ranch houses, very ‘Live, Laugh, Love,’” Smith said. “Of course the government picked all of that out.”

Editor’s note: This story was originally published in Volume 106, Issue 1 of The Guilfordian on Oct. 4, 2019.