GOOFORDIAN: Smokin’ legal weed: Guilford legalizes recreational marijuana use

Impossible Girl

Disclaimer: This story is a part of our April Fool’s edition, The Goofordian. This story was created by Guilfordian staff and is not based in fact.

The Guilford College Woods. Smoke drifts through the cool night air. Red-eyed first-years race towards The Quakeria.

One of this year’s major changes to Guilford’s judicial system is a legalization of small amounts of marijuana for recreational use on campus. Students and faculty will be allowed to have up to half an ounce on their person without a judicial charge.

The new rule will be instituted at the beginning of the Fall 2013 semester. The first year will be a trial run. Students will still be subject to North Carolina laws as soon as they step off-campus.

“It seemed like the right thing to do, and the right time to do it,” said Dean of Students and Vice President of Student Affairs Aaron Fetrow. “However, I would like to remind students to take this action with a grain of salt.”

Students caught smoking marijuana outside of their dorms will still be documented, and any paraphernalia found in students rooms will still be confiscated.

“It will be a slow process and will take a lot of getting used to,” said Director of Student Judicial Affairs Sandy Bowles. “But I think allowing marijuana use will let us focus on violent crimes.”

“Smoking weed is wrong, but maybe allowing it would cut down on the use of more dangerous drugs like alcohol,” said Director of Friends Center and Campus Ministry Coordinator Max Carter. “You can call me a pothole, but don’t call me a pothead.”

Though the new rule will not come into effect until fall, Public Safety officers have decided to begin the process sooner. Students will no longer be documented for smoking marijuana beginning at this spring’s annual festival Serendipity.

“It will make our jobs a lot easier to start at Serendipity,” said Senior P-Safe Officer Mike Lane. “It should also make the transition easier for the students.”

After hearing of the new rule, students immediately started to make plans.

“There will be a quad smoke-in on the Saturday of Serendipity,” said President of Student Community Senate and senior Tim Leisman. “It’s going to be absolutely awesome. I can’t wait.”

WQFS has recently begun attempting to book musical acts for the event.

“So far, we have Guilford’s own Whiskey Fingers,” said WQFS General Manager Kate Schwab. “We’re trying to focus on quality local acts for a change.”

The faculty and staff response to the event has been somewhat mixed.

“I want to remind students that smoking in public or outside will still result in documentation,” said Bowles. “Personally, I’m really not looking forward to that many meetings.”

“I think this supposed smoke-in is an inevitable consequence of the rule change,” said Fetrow. “I may have to join in.”

“I’m going to be hosting a donut-in in The Hut,” said Carter. “It’ll be the healthy alternative. We’ll have glazed donuts and Cheerwine.”

Guilford is now the third U.S. college to legalize recreational marijuana. Warren Wilson College and University of Southern California both passed similar rules in Fall 2012. According to The Princeton Review, even more schools have similar rules on the ballot for the upcoming year.

“I worked really hard to get this passed,” said Leisman. “I love seeing Guilford at the forefront of an important cultural movement again.”

DISCLAIMER: For the April Fool’s edition.

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