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The Guilfordian

The student news site of Guilford College

The Guilfordian

The student news site of Guilford College

The Guilfordian

GOOFORDIAN: Smokin’ legal weed: Guilford legalizes recreational marijuana use

Disclaimer: This story is a part of our April Fool’s edition, The Goofordian. This story was created by Guilfordian staff and is not based in fact.

The Guilford College Woods. Smoke drifts through the cool night air. Red-eyed first-years race towards The Quakeria.

One of this year’s major changes to Guilford’s judicial system is a legalization of small amounts of marijuana for recreational use on campus. Students and faculty will be allowed to have up to half an ounce on their person without a judicial charge.

The new rule will be instituted at the beginning of the Fall 2013 semester. The first year will be a trial run. Students will still be subject to North Carolina laws as soon as they step off-campus.

“It seemed like the right thing to do, and the right time to do it,” said Dean of Students and Vice President of Student Affairs Aaron Fetrow. “However, I would like to remind students to take this action with a grain of salt.”

Students caught smoking marijuana outside of their dorms will still be documented, and any paraphernalia found in students rooms will still be confiscated.

“It will be a slow process and will take a lot of getting used to,” said Director of Student Judicial Affairs Sandy Bowles. “But I think allowing marijuana use will let us focus on violent crimes.”

“Smoking weed is wrong, but maybe allowing it would cut down on the use of more dangerous drugs like alcohol,” said Director of Friends Center and Campus Ministry Coordinator Max Carter. “You can call me a pothole, but don’t call me a pothead.”

Though the new rule will not come into effect until fall, Public Safety officers have decided to begin the process sooner. Students will no longer be documented for smoking marijuana beginning at this spring’s annual festival Serendipity.

“It will make our jobs a lot easier to start at Serendipity,” said Senior P-Safe Officer Mike Lane. “It should also make the transition easier for the students.”

After hearing of the new rule, students immediately started to make plans.

“There will be a quad smoke-in on the Saturday of Serendipity,” said President of Student Community Senate and senior Tim Leisman. “It’s going to be absolutely awesome. I can’t wait.”

WQFS has recently begun attempting to book musical acts for the event.

“So far, we have Guilford’s own Whiskey Fingers,” said WQFS General Manager Kate Schwab. “We’re trying to focus on quality local acts for a change.”

The faculty and staff response to the event has been somewhat mixed.

“I want to remind students that smoking in public or outside will still result in documentation,” said Bowles. “Personally, I’m really not looking forward to that many meetings.”

“I think this supposed smoke-in is an inevitable consequence of the rule change,” said Fetrow. “I may have to join in.”

“I’m going to be hosting a donut-in in The Hut,” said Carter. “It’ll be the healthy alternative. We’ll have glazed donuts and Cheerwine.”

Guilford is now the third U.S. college to legalize recreational marijuana. Warren Wilson College and University of Southern California both passed similar rules in Fall 2012. According to The Princeton Review, even more schools have similar rules on the ballot for the upcoming year.

“I worked really hard to get this passed,” said Leisman. “I love seeing Guilford at the forefront of an important cultural movement again.”

DISCLAIMER: For the April Fool’s edition.

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  • C

    CarolineMar 31, 2013 at 12:42 pm

    This prank is mean! I’m sure someone who’s gotten totally excited about this news is going to get so screwed over this Serendipity…

  • M

    MarkMar 30, 2013 at 12:04 pm

    How can a college campus legalize marijuana use?

  • C

    Captain CannabisMar 30, 2013 at 8:49 am

    Who said smoking weed is wrong? Well, other than Director of Friends Center and Campus Ministry Coordinator Max Carter. Since he used the word ‘wrong’, I can only believe he meant morally wrong, since he’s also a campus ministry coordinator. Max, I’ll bet ya that you can’t show me in the Bible where it states using cannabis is ‘wrong’. Then I’ll bet you double or nothing I can show you in the Bible where God commanded the people to use cannabis, or kaneh bos’m as it’s called in Hebrew. Exodus chapter 30, the holy anointing oil. There’s also Genesis 1:29, where God gives us EVERY plant that produces seeds to be used for our food. Then, of course, there’s 1 Timothy 4:4,5 – For feverything created by God is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with thanksgiving, for it is made holy hby the word of God and prayer.”
    “Wrong”, my ass. You automatically lose all credibility when your argument is based on lies and propaganda.

  • J

    Jillian GallowayMar 29, 2013 at 3:57 pm

    I think that the vast majority of Americans have had enough of the prohibition nonsense. By shutting down the legal supply of marijuana, while at the same time being totally incapable of curbing the demand for marijuana, the government created a massive black market for marijuana that drew drug dealers into neighborhoods, making children LESS safe.

    We should NOT have laws that create more harm than what they prevent! It is unconscionable for our elected officials to perpetuate this failed prohibition on marijuana that *increased* crime and *decreased* the safety of children.

    We need to demand that our legislators END the massive marijuana black market they created by giving stores the right to sell legally-grown marijuana to adults at prices low enough to undercut drug dealers and drive them off the street. For the sake of our children we need to demand that marijuana be legalized like beer and wine.