Congress is just simply too busy to pass laws

Disclaimer: This story is a part of our April Fool’s edition, The Goofordian. This story was created by Guilfordian staff and is not based in fact.

The United States is in the midst of a presidential election drawing much attention to the political scene. During this time, how have the branches of government held up?

The Supreme Court, despite being down to only eight justices, has taken on a full load of cases. In a quest to further his legacy, President Barack Obama and the executive branch continue to push the constitutional envelope with various executive actions and federal rulemaking.

Meanwhile, Congress has been busy twiddling its thumbs and defending itself against insults from Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump.

“We have had some great debates in Congress this year,” said Speaker of the House Rep. Paul Ryan. “We have a full agenda ahead of ourselves, but there will be no substantive votes. We just don’t have time for that.”

Congress’ inaction has led to increased frustration. According to a recent Gallup poll, Congress’ March 2016 approval rating was a pitiful 13 percent.

“Congress is lazy, and they don’t know what they’re doing,” said Trump about Congress. “It’s an issue with the whole Washington establishment. They’re disgusting, and I’m awesome. Really, really awesome.”

Recently, President Obama has not received much support from Congress himself.

“At this point, the Senate will not even hold a hearing for Merrick Garland whom I nominated for the position of Supreme Court Justice to replace deceased Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia,” said Obama. “I even mentioned Jesus as a replacement for Scalia, yet the Republican leadership in Congress didn’t support that either. He was too liberal.”

Another political hot topic is immigration reform.

Sen. Marco Rubio formerly helped craft a comprehensive immigration reform bill that combined increased border security and a path to legalization for undocumented immigrants. But after months as a presidential candidate, he began to veer away from such ideas.

“My parents were immigrants themselves,” said Rubio. “I know they benefited from our nation’s immigration system in the past. But it’s time we close the door behind us. It’s long overdue.”

Former comedian and current Rep. Al Franken of Minnesota has endorsed Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton. He said that this election is even more comical than some of his former “Saturday Night Live” skits.

While campaigning, Clinton addressed the threat of Trump.

“I have confidence that the American public is intelligent enough to pick me as the next president,” said Clinton. “And if they don’t, I’ll be running for prime minister of Canada because that’s probably where we’ll all end up.”