The student news site of Guilford College

The Guilfordian

The student news site of Guilford College

The Guilfordian

The student news site of Guilford College

The Guilfordian

Liberal America too dense to function

[Editor’s Note: This is a work of satire.]

Thanks to liberals, America is going to Hell.

First, they try to take away our guns. Now, they’re trying to take away our prayer.

Last week, the Supreme Court reviewed a case in which the town of Greece, N.Y., is being chastised for holding a prayer before most board meetings.

“Two residents … are challenging the town’s practice as a violation of the First Amendment ban on government ‘establishment of religion,’” wrote Greg Stohr on

I find it very interesting that these liberals care about their so-called “rights” all of a sudden. I mean, wasn’t it just a few weeks ago they were trying to kill our Second Amendment right to bear arms?

What these liberals need to realize is that the First Amendment gives us the right to freedom of religion. That means that we, as Christians, are free to do whatever we want with our religion. If that includes holding prayers before legislative meetings, then so be it.

As Christians, we must stand up for what we believe in and ensure that our beliefs are shoved down the throats of others.

But thanks to brain-dead liberals, our exclusionary practices may soon come to an end.

“Yes … forcing your silly religious superstitions on me is unconstitutional … it violates my First Amendment rights,” wrote C. Calvin in a comment on

What a bunch of bull!

The problem isn’t that we’re violating C. Calvin’s rights. The problem is that liberals like C. Calvin have misinterpreted the Constitution and feel that they are entitled to freedom. Liberals just think they’re entitled to everything, don’t they?

You see, the Constitution is a very complex document that is hard to understand.

For example, take a look at the Second Amendment. For some odd reason, the Founding Fathers chose to call guns “bear arms.”

So I doubt when they wrote “freedom of religion,” they really meant freedom for all religions. What they really meant is that Americans are free to practice real religions like Christianity.

“Contrary to the ramblings of Marxist Islamophile Barack Hussein Obama, America is indeed a fundamentally Christian nation,” wrote Erik Rush on conspiracy theory website

One more thing. You know their little friend in Washington that some like to call the “president?” He supports legislative prayer too.

According to Fox News, Obama has taken the side of Greece.

Tell that to the next liberal you see!

Though I’m not sure we should be happy about this. It’s most likely an attempt for the man to force Islam upon us.

“Obama is a full-fledged supporter of Christian-killing Al Qaeda,” wrote gerbadagin in a comment on

It won’t be long before the United States of America turns into the People’s Republic of Jihad.

Obama isn’t the only one we shouldn’t trust. The Supreme Court Justices certainly aren’t qualified to rule on the issue of legislative prayer.

Just look at their religions. According to Wikipedia, the Supreme Court Justices are composed of six Catholics and three Jews.

Last time I checked, the Jews don’t even read the Bible. And Catholics pray with beads.

These non-Christians should have no say in our prayer practices.

If people don’t want to hear our prayers, they can get out of our legislatures. We don’t need their backward, “progressive” views anyway. I bet you that if I read the Constitution, I wouldn’t see a law saying that atheists, Muslims and Jews have a right to be in our legislatures.

Then again, I don’t care about anything besides my right to own a gun.

This doesn’t look good, America. They’re trying to take God out of everything.

Our Christian country is going to Hell.

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