GOOFORDIAN: Kent Chabotar steps down as President, enrolls as student

Disclaimer: This story is a part of our April Fool’s edition, The Goofordian. This story was created by Guilfordian staff and is not based in fact.

On Friday, March 15, Kent Chabotar announced that he would be stepping down as president of Guilford College as of June 30, 2014.

In an interview held later that day, Chabotar discussed his unusual plans for post-retirement life.

“After having devoted more than 40 years of my life to helping prepare students to become responsible adults, I am ready for a change of pace,” said Chabotar.

“Being at Guilford and having the opportunity to interact so closely with students has sparked this insatiable desire within me to go back to school to learn something new.”

Despite his Ph.D. in public administration from Syracuse University, Chabotar is resolute in his decision to enroll at Guilford for the Fall 2014 semester.

When asked about the legitimacy of Chabotar’s enrollment as a CCE student at Guilford, Associate Vice President and Dean for Continuing Education Rita Serotkin said, “Well, quite frankly, I can’t find anything that says that Kent can’t earn another bachelor’s degree from Guilford.

“There’s no rule that limits the amount of bachelor’s degrees that one can earn. If he wants to learn something new, who am I to stop him?”

Interestingly, on the same day, Chabotar also announced his pending lawsuit against The Guilfordian for slander and defamation of character in response to the cleverly edited video interview released at the beginning of the month.

Chabotar’s decision to join the study body has sparked quite the controversy among faculty and administration.

“To put it delicately, many of the faculty members do not want Kent in their classes,” said Associate Professor of Political Science Ken Gilmore. “Personally, I would be delighted to have Kent in my class. I think some of the faculty members are intimidated by him being smarter and definitely better-dressed than they are. Or they simply have a misunderstanding of who he is.”

“I do not want to divert attention away from the teacher,” said Chabotar. “I have been at the center of attention for the last 66 years. And I’ll tell you, it’s a lot of work. Shaking hands, kissing babies, dodging crowds of adoring fans. I am past my prime and ready for a break.”

So if he’s not doing it for attention, then why? What does Kent Chabotar hope to accomplish by returning to school?

Critics of Chabotar believe that he is not willing to accept getting older. They believe that Chabotar seems to want to party with students, to somehow become young again by association.

However, those in support of Chabotar’s decision far outweigh those who oppose it. Students are excited for Chabotar to join the student body, and faculty is excited for Chabotar to be out of the administration.

“I would rather set my hair on fire than have to read one more of Kent’s wordy strategic plans, budgets, renovation color charts or commencement speeches,” said Vice President for Student Affairs and Dean of Students Aaron Fetrow.

When asked about what major he planned on pursuing, Chabotar said, “As of now, I plan to get a Bachelor of Arts in Theater Studies. After all, my presidency has been an amateur act. I’d like to become a professional.”

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