The student news site of Guilford College

The Guilfordian

The student news site of Guilford College

The Guilfordian

The student news site of Guilford College

The Guilfordian

Black Friday: Nothing says the holiday season like getting trampled by not-so-good deals

“At midnight, security made an announcement over the P.A. system. ‘The Mall is opening. Happy Black Friday,’ and then it came,” said sophomore Avery Olearcyzk, Build-A-Bear Workshop employee.

“There was a loud boom, and then mobs started running and screaming in the halls. A couple ran into the store saying, ‘We’re going to stay in here for the next ten minutes. Somebody just got knocked down and we’re scared.”Seriously, America?

I get it. With the holidays fast approaching, the idea of saving a buck sounds heaven sent. But, honestly, is it worth it? Look at your life. Look at your choices. You ran over an eight-year-old because you saw Shake Weights were half off. The media likes to paint the holiday season as a time of love, family and togetherness, and then this happens.

“Authorities believe a disagreement over a parking space (on Black Friday) led to two people being shot and wounded outside a Wal-mart in Tallahassee, Fla,” reported Fox News.

‘Tis the season.

Want to know what I was doing on Black Friday? Nothing. Because people are freaking scary.

Can we all just cool it for a bit and actually put some brainpower into this? How about Cyber Monday? While the extent to which people are obsessed with things and toys and gadgets is as impressive as it is horrifying, and while Cyber Monday is still essentially a part of the whole manic consumerist holiday kick-off, it’s a whole lot better.

I haven’t been trampled by the Internet.

Well, not literally.

What I propose is that shops quit perpetuating the yearly massacre and let the internet take it on instead. You can’t stop people from being crazed shoppers, but you can make it safer.

As much as I’d like to say, “Increase security! Maintain some order!” I really don’t think it would work. People can channel their savings lust through Amazon and other sites, and maybe — just maybe — people won’t get shot.

No promises.

Have you ever heard someone say, “I had such a pleasant time shopping on Black Friday”? No. That’s like saying “A bear ate my foot the other day. It was fantastic. Got an iPod out of it.”

The Internet, on the other hand? The Internet is a magical land of mindless wanderlust. The closest thing to “violence” I’ve really seen on-line has been preteens arguing who is or is not “gay” for listening to Katy Perry.

I think we can handle it.

My challenge to you is to use the Internet as a resource. The Internet has a nearly endless supply of things that people don’t actually need. With the exception of clothing, you don’t need to try out most products, and, if you’re buying gifts, you’re probably going to get the wrong size either way. (No offense, Mom.)

So go for it, and remember to give the gift of a receipt.

All in all, as scary as the bowels of the Internet are, the real world is a whole lot scarier. Just use your brain during the rest of the holiday season. With any luck, we’ll all survive for next year.

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