The student news site of Guilford College

The Guilfordian

The student news site of Guilford College

The Guilfordian

The student news site of Guilford College

The Guilfordian

There’s a new Grinch in town


There are some people who support medical marijuana.

There is one politician who most certainly does not. This politician hates medical marijuana. He believes it’s a lie. Now, please don’t ask why. No one quite knows the reason.

It could be the nonsense in his head telling him he is a smarty. It could be, perhaps, in high school, he was never invited to a party,

But I think that the most likely reason of all, may have been that, during his political career, he has dropped the ball.

There’s a new Grinch in town, and he has more on his agenda than stealing Christmas. If declared Republican presidential candidate Newt Gingrich were a fictional character, he too would have a reputation for having a heart two-sizes too small.

Gingrich — lets just call him The Grinch — declared his candidacy for the 2012 presidential election, in May of 2011, on Twitter at approximately 4:20. The Grinch is highly against medical marijuana and has zero tolerance for illegal substances, which makes his timing a rather strange coincidence.

“It is imperative that we win the Drug War in four years, or else the public will grow cynical, and the movement to legalize drugs will succeed,” said The Grinch in 1989.

How’s that drug war coming? I seem to recall hearing something about sixteen states and Washington, D.C., having legalized medical marijuana.

Well, ladies and gentlemen, I have shocking news for you; according to The Grinch, there is no such thing as medical marijuana. In fact, marijuana is a drug, and medical marijuana is just a clever advertisement for a terrible idea.

The Grinch feels so strongly against marijuana that he finds either a life sentence or the death penalty to be just for anyone found smuggling more than two ounces of marijuana into the United States. He made that painfully clear when he introduced H.R 4170, the “Drug Importer Death Penalty Act of 1996” to Congress.

Surprisingly, The Grinch was able to attract a coalition of 26 other Republican co-sponsors for the bill. Not so surprisingly, the bill was shot down.

Generally murder and capital offenses are the type of crimes punishable by the death penalty. In most states, rape is not even punishable by death, which leads me to question The Grinch’s sanity.

How is it justifiable to convict someone with a death sentence over marijuana when there are rapists and child sex offenders rotting in jail or even on parole walking the streets?

Mr. Grinch, you’ll need to have your priorities in check if you actually plan on having a fighting chance in the presidential election. Maybe you should focus on something else that is green, which our entire country has been buzzing about. How about money? You know, the failing economy?

You’re a conservative one, Mr. Grinch.

You really are a drag.

You’re as liberal as Sarah Palin.

You’re as appealing as a Wal-Mart knock off bag.

Just no, Mr. Grinch. 

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