All-nighters: staying up all night, getting little or no sleep in order to finish a paper or project. We all do it (at least that’s what I tell myself so I feel better). It’s not always easy, though. Fatigue overtakes the best of us, even this early in the semester. Once you’ve spent three hours staring at the one paragraph you’ve written on that computer screen, it can be hard to find the will and energy to keep going.

It’s a slippery slope. A lot of students, feeling that they can’t do it alone, turn to coffee. From there, it’s not far to energy drinks or even pills.

“It’s not a big deal, I just need a little extra energy,” a student might say. Probably to themselves, since they’re sleep-deprived and hopped on caffeine.

There have been concerns raised about the health effects of energy drinks. Do Guilford students really want to be putting all those chemicals in their bodies?

There is an alternative to the chemical-laden Amp; to Redbull; to Rock Star. And what’s most amazing? It has an even more awesome name: Steven Seagal’s Lightning Bolt.

It is “A natural energy drink packed with vitamins and exotic botanicals,” as Steven Seagal’s disembodied head tells us from the front of the can.

Yes, that’s Steven Seagal, Aikido master and star of such action films as “Above the Law,” “Hard to Kill,” and “On Deadly Ground” (known for its environmental message and groin-centered violence). No, I’m not making this up; he has his own brand of energy drink.

This is no ordinary energy drink. According to the can, “This long lasting energy elixir is made with ingredients from all over the globe.” That’s right, Steven Seagal hand-picked the ingredients for the “herbal tonic blend” during his many travels.

Aside from being the first energy drink to be 100% all-natural juice, its claim to fame is a unique ingredient, Tibetan goji berries.

“There’s no such thing as goji berries,” said Assistant Professor of Religious Studies and intrepid world-traveler Eric Mortensen.

Well, I guess we’ll never know what Tibetan goji berries are, but that’s not important. What is important are the two questions to ask regarding any energy drink. Does it work, and does it taste good?

Well, according to www.lightningdrink.com, the beverage’s official Web site, Seagal’s invention “holds untold natural power.” So, that answers the first question.

An all natural herbal blend sweetened with evaporated cane juice crystals has to taste good, right?

“It tastes like really flat, old root beer. But like, with some kind of magic in there. It’s really scary, I want more,” said Mortensen. “It’s carbonated! That’s horrible! Why would they do that?”

So, we’ll say the jury’s still out on the taste. But just as the “Chi” symbol on the front of the can promises, Lightning Bolt “provides you with the TRUE ENERGY you need.”

“I’m feeling particularly awake now. I think I’m feeling power coursing through my veins,” Mortensen said while staring at his hands.

So is Lightning Bolt the all-natural alternative we’ve been waiting for?

“Any student who takes this to stay up late is a fool I say, a fool,” said Mortensen. “That’s nuts. It’s wiser to snort Pixy Stix than to drink this.”

I asked him if the exotic botanicals worried him. “No, it just tastes awful! Plus you could end up with untold powers.”

Even the bargain price of one dollar wasn’t enough to convince him.

“Clearly the great weight of evaluation of this drink rests on whether or not it would be wiser to snort a dollar’s worth of Pixy Stix. And I think it would be,” he said.

If you want to try Lightning Bolt for yourself, you will probably have to head to Wal-Mart (which I don’t endorse in any way; please, don’t hurt me). Look for Steven Seagal’s face. You can’t miss it.