I’m assuming that the administration’s conversation upon planning this year’s Serendipity weekend went a little something like this: “We need to crack down on drinking and provide an alcohol-free concert space that’s conducive to student’s sobriety and overall well-being. How are we going to do that?”

“Maybe we could hold the concerts indoors and prohibit students from carrying containers into the building. I think that promotes sobriety and students’ overall well-being.”

“Great idea. Problem solved.”

Sorry fellows. Problem not solved. In calculating your formula to promote sobriety during Serendipity, you left a major factor out of your equation: Mickey Avalon.

According to interviews with the rapper, Avalon no longer abuses hard drugs. That having been said, I will provide a handsome cash reward to anyone that can find me chemical evidence proving that Mr. Avalon was not under the influence of every opiate and hallucinogenic drug under the sun the evening of Apr. 5, 2008

While students may not have been drinking during Mr. Avalon’s performance, those in the first few rows probably became infected with substances far worse than alcohol from Avalon’s sweat as it dripped from his skin onto theirs.

I was fortunate enough to avoid Mr. Avalon’s perspiration; but still, Avalon’s performance managed to intoxicate me too.

It’s not that I was shocked or harshly offended at the overtly sexist and racist content of his material, because I wasn’t. It’s nothing I haven’t heard before on Hot 102 Jamz.

Instead, I felt like Campus Life, Public Safety, C.A.B., and whomever else was responsible for brining Avalon to Guilford had smacked me across the face with a two by four. One side of the two by four had the word ‘hypocrisy’ scribbled on it while the other side read ‘rip off’ in bolded italics.

Do you get where I’m going with this?

It’s problematic for Campus Life to promote sobriety during Serendipity when the weekend’s main act turned out to be one of the most intoxicated people on campus.

This same argument about hypocrisy and practicing what you preach can easily, and already has been to some extent, been applied to the nature of Avalon’s material. Obviously rapping about prostitution and shooting dope does not adhere to our core values and Quaker principles.

However, the earlier argument about promoting sobriety is more pertinent to the Serendipity/Avalon conflict than the argument about his offensive lyrics, and here’s why: while sexual assault and visible acts of racism are undoubtedly major issues at Guilford, sexual assault and hate crimes combined do not amount to the prevalence of drug and alcohol abuse on this campus.

In sum, as a result of bringing a doped-up and belligerent Avalon to campus this past weekend, Public Safety and Campus Life personnel alike had better offer one hell of an explanation to every student that appeals whatever drug or drinking violation he or she was charged with over Serendipity on account of receiving ‘mixed messages’ about the college’s stance on the consumption of illegal substances.