We all have questions about sex and sexuality. The most important thing you can do to start, save or stir up your sex life is to ask questions. We need to learn how to ask these questions and communicate with each other before the answers will be worth anything at all. I’ve listed a couple that keep coming up, so maybe my personal answers will be conversation starters for you and your friends. Should a woman come every time she has heterosexual sex? Any kind of intercourse?

Depending on when and who you asked, you would get very different answers to this classic question. Should anyone come every time they have sex? Sex can be pleasurable whether you orgasm, or not. Even if you can come on command, it doesn’t mean you should. There is always a point of return and we have to listen to our partners and ourselves to see if going all the way to orgasm is the right thing to do in every situation.

If you are a female having trouble climaxing, start by asking yourself a couple of questions. How well do you know your body, and what feels pleasurable? Sometimes a quick anatomy review can do wonders. It helps to figure out what arousal feels like by ourselves, by yes, masturbating. For instance, did you know that G-spot stimulation can make you feel like you have to pee at first? This information can be invaluable, especially if it keeps you from running to the bathroom when you’re about to orgasm! Most women need prolonged clitoral stimulation in order to reach orgasm and, luckily, we don’t need anyone else to do this. Teach yourself what feels pleasurable, and it will be that much easier to communicate your needs to your partner. Just remember that the path to pleasure can be mentally blocked as well, so if you’re not climaxing every time, or at all, it might help to examine the mental and emotional aspects of your sex life.

The Boston Women’s Health Book Collective makes an awesome, really comprehensive guide called Our Bodies, Ourselves, written for women, by women. For something a little more hip and a little less clinical, check out Paul Joannides’ Guide To Getting It On. You don’t have to come every time, but it doesn’t hurt to educate yourself so that you can come and go, as you like.

What if she wants to spank you/wants you to spank her?

It wouldn’t be smart to go straight to the spank. If you and your partner decide that you would like to engage in any form of bondage, discipline, domination, submission, or sadomasochism (BDSM) there are a few guidelines you should follow. Most importantly, as with all sexual acts, spanking must be consensual. It’s important for you to discuss both of your desires, whether you both feel comfortable engaging in them and how to make them pleasurable if you do. With spanking this might mean using some precautionary measures such as an (easily discernible) safe-word. This is a word that you and your partner agree to beforehand that signals a withdrawal of consent. In this case, probably if you’re spanking too hard, or they’ve had enough. If you would like to go more in depth on BDSM, check out Trevor Jacques’ On the Safe Edge: A Manual for SM Play.

It’s important to communicate with yourself, your partners and your friends because we must inform ourselves and support each other in order to make healthy decisions and foster healthy sex lives. Ultimately the only sex expert you can rely on is yourself.

This article comes from Cobb House, the Sexual Health and Awareness

House at Guilford. We hope this article will be educational and entertaining. If you have a question you’d like answered, write to [email protected].