I am a 120-pound, almost-6-foot, skinny guy with glasses. In the case of danger my only natural defense is running and running fast. As you can imagine, I was ecstatic to hear that Guilford was adding new sports teams: cross-country, men’s tennis and women’s swimming … all things I could be relatively good at.
In cross-country all I need to do is run. Heck, that’s almost all I feel I can do. Even the scenery provided for cross-country will be nice. I don’t feel I spend nearly enough time in Guilford’s almost 340-acre woods.
I don’t want to seem like a sports elitist, but cross-country is the best. Think about it. I don’t need to learn any real skill. There is no catching, throwing or even depth perception needed to at least be moderately good at running. In fact, I’m expressly advised in this sport not to hit or touch anything; there is no real way for a member of another team to hurt me. I can only hurt myself … excellent.
It’s also great to hear that the men’s tennis team is being revived. I didn’t know it, but Guilford had a tennis team until 2002. Tennis is another sport I love. It does take more knowledge, tactics and skill than cross-country, but the fashion is awesome.
I can’t wait to sport my armbands and sweatbands all over campus. Everyone will look at me and be jealous, saying: “Damn, there goes that cocky tennis kid,” and “Why doesn’t my sport get cool sweatbands?”
Because they aren’t as super deck as tennis, that’s why. The male within me was also getting green with envy over the female tennis team. They’re out there smacking the stuffing out of that little neon ball; I should be getting to smack the stuffing out of … you know … stuff as well.
Now I have the chance to get suited up in one of those white sailor outfits and curse like Andre Agassi, or was it the other way around.
My only resentment is the addition of a women’s swimming team; sadly there will be no men’s swimming team. Maybe the girls will let me swim on their team. I’m not really interested in competition, just synchronized. Swimming is great, we already have a pool, which I don’t think I’ve ever visited … this now gives me a perfect reason.
I realize that due to Title 9, to which Guilford is adhering by providing equally for male and female sports, there are soon going to be 8 men’s sports and 8 women’s sports. These sports however are low maintenance since we already have the facilities and coaches. Plus none of these sports use too much equipment or clothing.
Cross-country needs almost nothing, and if the tennis team is lucky we can get the sports department to float us a loan for sweatbands, which we would happily share with the cross-country team.