Take your special someone out for a romantic dinner and a movie. By “dinner,” we mean getting busy, and by “movie,” we mean taping it.Roses are red, Violets are blue … Actually violets are violet. Ha ha.

SWMCD, N/D, N/S, AL ISO LTR … If you know what these abbreviations stand for, you’re not getting laid tonight.

If you can’t find ways to express your romantic feelings towards someone, try roses … or maybe Indian giving. Hmm.

What’s more romantic than 2- for-1 bowling? Dinner in the Walnut Room, duh.

For a good time, meet first-year Norman Foreman in the Walnut Room for a romantic dinner. Bowling to follow; he’ll be wearing leather chaps … and nothing else.

Whips, chains, handcuffs, ruffles – which one of these doesn’t fit?

Shotgun wedding … open bar … love is good.

Single? Go buy chocolate. Tons and tons of chocolate. Attached? Still chocolate, just use it … differently.

Sinfully salacious manslaves on exhibit in the Gallery this week for your viewing pleasure!

Cash in the V-card on V-day. For those this doesn’t apply to: take a V-card on V-day.

Nothing says “I love you” like E-Z Cheese. It’s even more romantic if you say it by spraying it all over your significant other; that really gets me going.