Community is something that we lack here at Guilford. How many people do you really know, really talk to, on such a small campus? There isn’t much of a unifying spirit. Since the school’s fascist alcohol policy keeps us from coming together in celebration, we need something else – we need athletics. Community is important because it instills pride in its members. This school isn’t known to have a happy student body. We all know at least a few people dissatisfied with their lives. If we learned to feel pride in our school we would learn to be happier with Guilford.

Athletics is the best way to foster a communal spirit because it offers enjoyment for everyone in attendance. Athletics provides a medium for students to come together as a community. How does it do this? Simply.

Nothing unites people like common adversity, as evidenced by the dramatic increase in shows of patriotism here in the U.S. since Sept. 11. If we as spectators allow ourselves to get caught up in the game, we will face common adversity through the opposing college.

By coming together to jeer their team, a special form of kinship will form. As allies against an invading force, cheering our team on will help us take pride in Guilford. We’ll be viscerally united, allowing sincere enjoyment of each other’s company.

Many of you probably consider me an idiot. “Sports won’t unite us,” you say, “because my friends and I don’t like sports.” While I may be an idiot, I’m not wrong about this. You just need to see sports differently.

Liking sports doesn’t have to be about a joy of competition or games. All it has to be, and should be, is catharsis.

Are you upset about that last test/essay grade? Roommate piss you off? Since societal norms deem lashing out inappropriate (and since you’d only exacerbate the situation), you need a healthy anger outlet.

Athletics gives you the chance to rant and rave, shout obscenities, and harass people with little fear of reprimand. Athletes don’t mind heckling – it’s a part of any sport. Athletes know this. As an athlete, I rarely understand what you’re actually saying, so you needn’t worry about hurting my feelings. Use this to your advantage. Heckle us, guilt free. You’ll feel more relaxed, amiable even.

If individuals feel better, the community feels better and is healthier. This would do wonders for our college experience and finally make the Guilford dream of community a reality.