Guilford College President Donald W. McNemar was arrested earlier this week after the Greensboro Police Department received an anonymous tip that he was growing marijuana in the Fulcher Garden. The Garden is conveniently located just a few paces from Ragsdale, his on-campus home.The phone call that tipped off police to the crime is believed to have come from a room on the substance-free second floor of Binford Hall.

Soon after word of the arrest circulated around campus, a coalition of student activist hippies issued a statement that said, among other things, “We duly apologize for the crap we gave Don by protesting the outsourcing of the bookstore. We now realize that he is actually a good man, well worthy of being the president of this college. We’ll happily smoke him up at any time.”

The police removed all the marijuana from the garden, only to be met by student activist hippie protests. They brandished signs that read “Support Higher Education” and “Plant Killers.”

McNemar, charged with possession and intent to distribute a narcotic, was released on $10,000 bail. He had only this to say: “Dude, that is f****d up. Just imagine how much K.B. I could have bought with that cash. I was making mad loot from that source of fresh weed.”

Tom Constable, a former Guilford security officer and friend of the president, said, “Don and I used to walk out into the woods every night for a little toke. I’ll really miss our 3 a.m. munchies trips to Teeter.”

Apparently, when the garden was being planned two years ago, McNemar emphasized that it be constructed in the three acres adjacent to his house. Biology professor Lynn Moseley noticed how odd it was that McNemar said it was crucial that the garden be placed there.
“He obviously needed it there so he could keep his herb nearby,” Moseley said.

While McNemar expects to lose his job despite the student support, he’s got a contingency plan: a writing and researching job at High Times, his favorite magazine.