WASHINGTON, DC, JAN. 23 – President George W. Bush began his first week in office on Saturday. He has a number of initial policies he plans to implement, such as improving education. “Public schools are not a Republican issue or a Democratic issue,” Bush said Tuesday. “It’s an American issue.” Bush actively defends vouchers, where money would be taken away from failing schools and given to families of students to pay for alternative schools or tutors.

WASHINGTON, DC, JAN. 22 – Twenty-eight years ago, the historic Roe vs. Wade ruling was passed that legalized abortion nationwide. Annually, thousands of anti-abortion activists gather at the capital to protest the decision. This year, however, President George W. Bush was among the protesters. Just two days after he was sworn in, Bush urged his followers to “lead onward: to build a culture of life, affirming that every person, at every stage and season of life, is created equally in God’s image.” On Monday, Bush reversed Clinton’s decision to restore federal funding for international family planning groups that offer abortion counseling. He is also making plans to reverse the approval of the RU-486 abortion pill.

TEXAS, JAN. 23 – The “Texas Seven” who escaped out of a high-security penitentiary Dec. 13 have now been lowered to the “Texas Two.” Four of the convicts have been apprehended and one is reported to have killed himself. For the past month, the men posed as a traveling Christian group, reading the Bible and playing religious music. One dyed his hair pale blond and another dyed his orange.”
Editor’s Note: The last two remaining conviects were taken into custody without a struggle on Wednesday.

JAPAN, JAN. 23 – It’s a story of Jesus Christ, and it goes a little something like this: Jesus didn’t die up on his cross at Golgotha. That was his brother. Christ himself fled across Siberia and, after a brief detour through Alaska, landed in Japan — where he got married and raised a family. The town, Shingo, calls itself Kirisuto no Sato: Hometown of Christ. Ancient scrolls turned up outside of Tokyo sometime in the early 40s. The scrolls, written in Japanese, apparently recount the tale of Christ’s escape from death.

ECUADOR, JAN. 22 – A toxic oil spill occurred Friday off the coast of the Galapagos Islands, spilling nearly 150,000 gallons of toxic fuels into its waters. The spill could have damaging effects on up to 5,000 species of rare animals and plants. All species, marine and coastal in the Galapagos Islands could be affected if there are changes in the food chain,” said Peter Kramer, former president of the Darwin Foundation for the Galapagos Islands. The oil slick is believed to have affected a 117-square-mile area.

MARYLAND HEIGHTS, MO, JAN. 23 – Despite attempts to conceal it from students, Eisenhower High School 11th-grade English teacher Matthew Geisinger was clearly hung over Monday. “Today, you’re going to break up into groups of four to discuss that book you read over the weekend,” Geisinger groggily told his first-period class. “The idea is to draw your own conclusions about the book without coming to me for any help.” Geisinger then rested his head on his desk for the remainder of the period, occasionally taking a sip of coffee.