Guilfordian staff writer mauled while protesting

Jacob Kalos
April 1, 2005
Filed under Archives

On Tuesday, March 22, junior Guilfordian staff writer Cory Williams was savagely beaten while protesting the club football team. Senior Richard Cromwell described the beating as “the most horrific thing I have ever seen in my life. The horror, the horror!”

In January of this year, The Guilfordian published an article written by Williams detailing why he thought that football should be turned into a club sport at Guilford.

There were several “Letters to the Editor” addressing the subject, as well as personal e-mails sent back and forth between Williams and his nay-sayers.

Williams’ article accomplished its goal. On Feb. 31, football was made a club sport at Guilford.

This was not enough for Williams. On March 22, he marched on Friendly Avenue to protest there being any football team at all.

“Cory was just standing up for what he believed in,” said Anne Stuart, one of Williams’ roommates.

President Kent Chabotar also praised Cory’s actions.

“It’s students like Cory Williams that make Guilford so special,” Chabotar said. “He saw a problem and he fixed it. For that he must be commended.”

Williams created a sign that read “More Money For Books. Less Money For Football. Get Rid Of Football. It’s a Dumb Sport. All Sports are Dumb. Except For Rugby. Why Not Play Rugby Instead? Rugby Is Great. I Should Know. I Play Rugby. And It’s Fun. Lots of Fun. Go, Rugby Go!”

The sign elicited a responses as he marched up and down the sidewalk.

“One minute I was protesting. The next thing I remember is lying on the ground with two enormous ladies stomping the (expletive) out of me,” Williams said.

According to Cromwell, who happened to be walking by, the brutal beating took place at approximately 9:53 a.m.:

“My pocket watch is a little fast and it said 9:57,” he said. “So we can assume it was around 9:53, give or take a minute on either side.”

Within minutes the beating was over and the two women fled the scene.

Cromwell described their vehicle as “the sketchiest van I’ve seen in my life. It was big and white, with no windows and the words ‘Super-Fan Football Moms’ spray-painted on the side.”

“The spray painting is the biggest lead we’ve got,” said Greensboro Police Chief Steven Stephens.

Although Cromwell witnessed the entire incident, he forgot to look at the van’s plate numbers.

“I was just in such shock,” Cromwell said. “Forgive me, Cory. Forgive me!”

According to the police, there is a high possibility that the van has since been painted over.

“In cases like these the criminal often repaints their car,” Stephens said. “I should know. I’m a cop.”

Fellow students are in utter shock that such a thing could have happen.

“Wait, what happened?” said sophomore Egbert Wessex.

The only other clue in the case comes from a pile of empty pizza boxes found on the road, exactly where the van had been parked.

The police seem to think that this will point them in the right direction.

“I have no doubt that they were eating pizza,” Stephens said.

Further information will be reported as the story unfolds.

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APRIL FOOLS!!! Sorry football club, I mean team!