The Guilfordian

Goofordian: Yachting and Underwater Basket Weaving clubs fight over landmark lagoon

Goofordian: Yachting and Underwater Basket Weaving clubs fight over landmark lagoon

Justyn Melrose, Apocalyptic Coordinator

March 28, 2014

Disclaimer: This story is a part of our April Fool’s edition, The Goofordian. This story was created by Guilfordian staff and is not based in fact. The Underwater Basketweaving Club, soon to celebrate its two-year anniversary, was built to be a community of peaceful, marine hobbyists. To date, th...

GOOFORDIAN: Atttttttack ZOMBIES R COMING AND THEY R COMING 4 U

GOOFORDIAN: Atttttttack ZOMBIES R COMING AND THEY R COMING 4 U

Laura Hay, Staff Writer

March 29, 2013

Disclaimer: This story is a part of our April Fool's edition, The Goofordian. This story was created by Guilfordian staff and is not based in fact. The zombies are coming, and Associate Professor of English Heather Hayton may be our best hope for survival. An attack by the undead on November 5, 2011 ...

GOOFORDIAN: Are you kidding me? Kids on campus?

Christianna Van Dalsen, Staff Writer

March 29, 2013

Disclaimer: This story is a part of our April Fool's edition, The Goofordian. This story was created by Guilfordian staff and is not based in fact. Look out below. Tiny toddlers taking tests: terrifying or terrific? How young is too young? Guilford College, the Early College and Guilford County s...

GOOFORDIAN: Guilford purchases therapeutic spider monkeys for campus

GOOFORDIAN: Guilford purchases therapeutic spider monkeys for campus

Chloe Lindeman, Staff Writer

March 29, 2013

Disclaimer: This story is a part of our April Fool's edition, The Goofordian. This story was created by Guilfordian staff and is not based in fact. There’s nothing like snuggling with something fuzzy in times of stress. Now, Guilford has taken that to a new level. In addition to dog t...

GOOFORDIAN: Vworp…vworp…VWORP! You need a doctor

GOOFORDIAN: Vworp...vworp...VWORP! You need a doctor

Shelby Smith, The Doctor's Companion

March 29, 2013

Disclaimer: This story is a part of our April Fool's edition, The Goofordian. This story was created by Guilfordian staff and is not based in fact. Imagine the atmosphere of monotony hanging heavily over a boring class you have in King Hall. You are just about to drift to sleep on top of your ...

GOOFORDIAN: Frank Massey: investigating the paranormal

Katy Andrews, Grand and Glorious Viceroy

March 29, 2013

Disclaimer: This story is a part of our April Fool's edition, The Goofordian. This story was created by Guilfordian staff and is not based in fact. “I was sworn to secrecy,” bellowed Frank Massey, IFP gifts discernment coordinator, during a briefing with students and faculty. “The FBI sent...

GOOFORDIAN: Quakerism now the #1 world religion, Max Carter leads the masses

GOOFORDIAN: Quakerism now the #1 world religion, Max Carter leads the masses

Jamie Luckhaus, Staff Writer

March 29, 2013

Disclaimer: This story is a part of our April Fool's edition, The Goofordian. This story was created by Guilfordian staff and is not based in fact. Silence is the new international trend as prominent religious world figure Max Carter leads the now most-practiced religion on earth: Quakerism. Also known as...

GOOFORDIAN: Naughty Nathan the Quaker Man gets nabbed smuggling reefer/kush abroad

Josh Ballard, Staff Writer

March 29, 2013

Disclaimer: This story is a part of our April Fool's edition, The Goofordian. This story was created by Guilfordian staff and is not based in fact. At 6:35 p.m. on Sunday, March 17, Nathan the Guilford College Quaker Man boarded a flight to visit students studying abroad in Brunnenburg. Unbeknow...

GOOFORDIAN: Biohazard hOsTs NaKeD WoRld TouRnaMent

GOOFORDIAN: Biohazard hOsTs NaKeD WoRld TouRnaMent

Anney Bolgiano, Staff Writer

March 29, 2013

Disclaimer: This story is a part of our April Fool's edition, The Goofordian. This story was created by Guilfordian staff and is not based in fact. Over the years, Guilford College has welcomed noteworthy speakers, talented musicians and other esteemed guests. Now, the board of trustees and Guil...