The Guilfordian

Goofordian: Guilford men’s soccer: busted for prostitution

James Sharpe, Staff Writer

March 28, 2014

Disclaimer: This story is a part of our April Fool’s edition, The Goofordian. This story was created by Guilfordian staff and is not based in fact. Caught by authorities once again, the Guilford College men’s soccer team has been soliciting prostitution off campus. Police were astonished to see...

Goofordian: Cause of student-athlete divide found: drug tests split campus

Kelli Uresti, Resident Narc

March 28, 2014

Disclaimer: This story is a part of our April Fool’s edition, The Goofordian. This story was created by Guilfordian staff and is not based in fact. Over the past few weeks, students tried to figure out the root cause of the infamous athlete and non-athlete divide. The conclusion: drugs. The Wednesda...

Goofordian: So long to Quaker mascot – Chabby introduces new mascot, Nathan the Quaker Man disappears

Goofordian: So long to Quaker mascot - Chabby introduces new mascot, Nathan the Quaker Man disappears

Allie Baddley, Nathan the Quaker Man's Disgruntled Wife

March 28, 2014

Disclaimer: This story is a part of our April Fool’s edition, The Goofordian. This story was created by Guilfordian staff and is not based in fact. “But I’m a Guilford College Quaker,” yelled senior women’s lacrosse player Becca Colley. Since President and Professor of Political Science ...

Local GuilCo Hero Pumpernickel peacefully protests for world peace

March 28, 2014

Disclaimer: This story is a part of our April Fool’s edition, The Goofordian. This story was created by Guilfordian staff and is not based in fact. One student wants to change the world   Senior James Pumpernickel has big plans: change the world. As an Environmental Studies and Peac...

Goofordian Letter to the Editor: My bad!

Kent Chabotar, 2 Chainz Fan

March 28, 2014

Disclaimer: This story is a part of our April Fool’s edition, The Goofordian. This story was created by Guilfordian staff and is not based in fact. My dearest Guilford, As you already know, this academic year will be my last with Guilford College. I’ve had some time to reflect, and before I...

Goofordian: Early College students busted for mass organized dealing of methamphetamine

Olivia Neal, Staff Writer

March 28, 2014

Disclaimer: This story is a part of our April Fool’s edition, The Goofordian. This story was created by Guilfordian staff and is not based in fact. What weighs 90 pounds, has an A in calculus and sells crystal meth? Apparently, the answer is your average Early College kid. On March 4, the G...

Goofordian: Student concealment of agenda irks college administration

Ian Penny, Tall, Skinny Dude

March 28, 2014

Disclaimer: This story is a part of our April Fool’s edition, The Goofordian. This story was created by Guilfordian staff and is not based in fact. An atmosphere of secrecy has been exposed. Tensions have erupted. The happenings behind closed doors have taken their toll. Administrators at Guilf...

Goofordian: pros and cons of Kent Chabotar’s return

Connor Wilson and Anonymous

March 28, 2014

Disclaimer: This story is a part of our April Fool’s edition, The Goofordian. This story was created by Guilfordian staff and is not based in fact. Concern arises over re-election Crushing news came this morning. The smoke that had been mysteriously pouring out of Founders Basilica had changed fro...

Goofordian: New Ukrainian President 2 Chainz shines like trophy

Goofordian: New Ukrainian President 2 Chainz shines like trophy

Aditya Garg, Head of PR for President Chainz

March 28, 2014

Disclaimer: This story is a part of our April Fool’s edition, The Goofordian. This story was created by Guilfordian staff and is not based in fact. Political and social unrest. Civil strife. On the brink of all-out war. Enter 2 Chainz? Following Ukrainian President Viktor Yanukovych’s removal ...