The Guilfordian

Goofordian: Be on the lookout for FUFASPICEPACRTGS

Clare Forrister, Dream Team Member #1

April 3, 2015

Disclaimer: This story is a part of our April Fool's edition, the Goofordian. This story was created by Guilfordian staff and is not based in fact. In the past few weeks, the phrase “Quaker terrorism” has taken a turn from ludicrous oxymoron into devastating reality. A Quaker extremist group ha...

Goofordian: Cannibalism: swallow your pride and eat your friends

Goofordian: Cannibalism: swallow your pride and eat your friends

Quincy Malesovas, Humanitarian

April 3, 2015

Disclaimer: This story is a part of our April Fool's edition, The Goofordian. This story was created by Guilfordian staff and is not based in fact. Over the past few years, the popularity of veganism increased significantly — not just on campus but also across the country. Plant eaters have arg...

Goofordian: Greenleaf’s move into oak tree prompts war

Goofordian: Greenleaf’s move into oak tree prompts war

Vanessa Madonna, Pro-Squirrel Campaign Manager

April 3, 2015

Disclaimer: This story is part of our April Fool's edition, The Goofordian. This story was created by Guilfordian staff and is not based in fact.  The Greenleaf has had to overcome many obstacles, like renovations in Mary Hobbs and in Milner. Now, and quite possibly the worst of all, it’s a comm...

Goofordian: Only George W. Bush can save the US

Goofordian: Only George W. Bush can save the US

Nicole Zelniker, Overachiever

April 3, 2015

Disclaimer: This story is a part of our April Fool's edition, The Goofordian. This story was created by Guilfordian staff and is not based in fact. Former President George W. Bush is running for a third term as president of the United States, and it’s the best thing that could have happened to this ...

Letter to the Editor: Don’t diss the peace activist!

Jeremy Rinker, Guest Writer

April 4, 2014

While many of my students may think I am all theory and no fun, in fact I am always up for a good laugh. So when I picked up the recent Goofordian, eager to get my laugh on over a restful lunch at Jam’s Deli, I was disappointed in what I found. As I came to the “article” titled “Local GuilCo...

Goofordian: Mylène Dressler — educator, novelist, immortal

Anthony Harrison, Staff Drunkard

March 31, 2014

Disclaimer: This story is a part of our April Fool’s edition, The Goofordian. This story was created by Guilfordian staff and is not based in fact. Recently triple-tenured Assistant Professor of English Mylène Dressler captivates her students with her genuine enthusiasm for literature and her ...

Goofordian: Local GuilCo Hero Pumpernickel peacefully protests for world peace

Jake Delahanty, Staff Writer

March 29, 2014

Disclaimer: This story is a part of our April Fool’s edition, The Goofordian. This story was created by Guilfordian staff and is not based in fact. Senior James Pumpernickel has big plans: change the world. As an Environmental Studies and Peace and Conflict Studies double major at Guilford College,...

Goofordian: Kanye West tweet or ‘Overheard at Guilford’ Facebook post?

Robert Pacheco, Team Captain

March 29, 2014

Disclaimer: This story is a part of our April Fool’s edition, The Goofordian. This story was created by Guilfordian staff and is not based in fact. CAN YOU GUESS ‘EM ALL? 1.“I hate when people email you and ask ‘You wanna know something?’” Of course, but why are u torturing me by sp...

Goofordian: Yachting and Underwater Basket Weaving clubs fight over landmark lagoon

Goofordian: Yachting and Underwater Basket Weaving clubs fight over landmark lagoon

Justin Melrose, Apocalyptic Coordinator

March 28, 2014

Disclaimer: This story is a part of our April Fool’s edition, The Goofordian. This story was created by Guilfordian staff and is not based in fact. Two clubs enter. One club leaves. The Underwater Basketweaving Club, soon to celebrate its two-year anniversary, was built to be a community of peace...