The Guilfordian

Real-life student divide is the best thing ever

Real-life student divide is the best thing ever

Nicole Zelniker, Queen Cat of Non-Athletes

April 1, 2016

Disclaimer: This story is a part of our April Fool’s edition, The Goofordian. This story was created by Guilfordian staff and is not based in fact. The divide between athletes and non-athletes has finally been recognized by the administration, and everyone is talking about it. “They put a li...

Congress is just simply too busy to pass laws

Kathryn Long, Professional Procrastinator

April 1, 2016

Disclaimer: This story is a part of our April Fool’s edition, The Goofordian. This story was created by Guilfordian staff and is not based in fact. The United States is in the midst of a presidential election drawing much attention to the political scene. During this time, how have the branches...

Animals tell humans ‘Change or BERN’

Animals tell humans ‘Change or BERN’

Christopher Collins, Antarctica Corespondent

April 1, 2016

Disclaimer: This story is a part of our April Fool’s edition, The Goofordian. This story was created by Guilfordian staff and is not based in fact. A battle cry roars over the polar ice cap that is Antarctica. A swath of black and white figures can be seen marching across the frozen tundra toward t...

President Jane gets new style

Harris Billings, Staff Fashionista

April 1, 2016

Disclaimer: This story is a part of our April Fool’s edition, The Goofordian. This story was created by Guilfordian staff and is not based in fact. Last week, the board of trustees met in secret to discuss something of allegedly dire importance to the future of Guilford: President Jane Fernande...

First-year male is a feminist hero

Nellie Vinograd, Meninist

April 1, 2016

Disclaimer: This story is a part of our April Fool’s edition, The Goofordian. This story was created by Guilfordian staff and is not based in fact. In an act that some described as “lion-hearted,” local male hero and first-year Chet Columbus chose not to colonize a conversation in his Introduc...

Kid Pix: a revolutionary approach to higher ed

Lily Lou, Children's Software Expert

April 1, 2016

Disclaimer: This story is a part of our April Fool’s edition, The Goofordian. This story was created by Guilfordian staff and is not based in fact. “As an institution of higher learning, Guilford College prides itself in its innovation to create our next generation of thinkers,” said Presiden...

Yelp reviewer attacks with one star

Yelp reviewer attacks with one star

Quincy Malesovas, Social Media Specialist

April 1, 2016

Disclaimer: This story is a part of our April Fool’s edition, The Goofordian. This story was created by Guilfordian staff and is not based in fact. The threat of a bad Yelp review is serious — collect enough and death is certain. Even a one-star appraisal can be the beginning of the end for your...

Goofordian: DBAG protesters campaign against worldwide stupidity

Goofordian: DBAG protesters campaign against worldwide stupidity

Matthew Jones, Dream Team Member #2

April 3, 2015

Disclaimer: This story is a part of our April Fool's edition, the Goofordian. This story was created by Guilfordian staff and is not based in fact. Git (noun): a silly, incompetent or childish person. See also: the source of the world’s problems. That is the message the organizers of the f...

Goofordian: Amtgard lays siege to get real weapons

Goofordian: Amtgard lays siege to get real weapons

Annie Fullwood, Medievalist

April 3, 2015

Disclaimer: This story is a part of our April Fool’s edition, the Goofordian. This story was created by Guilfordian Staff and is not based in fact. “Amtgard is everything to me,” said avid Amtgard participant and junior Lance Lot. Lance, like many other fantasy fans across the country, has turn...