The Guilfordian

Real-life student divide is the best thing ever

Nicole Zelniker, Queen Cat of Non-Athletes • April 1, 2016

Disclaimer: This story is a part of our April Fool’s edition, The Goofordian. This story was created by Guilfordian staff and is not based in fact. The divide between athletes and non-athletes has...

Congress is just simply too busy to pass laws

Kathryn Long, Professional Procrastinator • April 1, 2016

Disclaimer: This story is a part of our April Fool’s edition, The Goofordian. This story was created by Guilfordian staff and is not based in fact. The United States is in the midst of a presidential...

Animals tell humans ‘Change or BERN’

Christopher Collins, Antarctica Corespondent • April 1, 2016

Disclaimer: This story is a part of our April Fool’s edition, The Goofordian. This story was created by Guilfordian staff and is not based in fact. A battle cry roars over the polar ice cap that is...

President Jane gets new style

Harris Billings, Staff Fashionista • April 1, 2016

Disclaimer: This story is a part of our April Fool’s edition, The Goofordian. This story was created by Guilfordian staff and is not based in fact. Last week, the board of trustees met in secret to...

First-year male is a feminist hero

Nellie Vinograd, Meninist • April 1, 2016

Disclaimer: This story is a part of our April Fool’s edition, The Goofordian. This story was created by Guilfordian staff and is not based in fact. In an act that some described as “lion-hearted,”...

Kid Pix: a revolutionary approach to higher ed

Lily Lou, Children's Software Expert • April 1, 2016

Disclaimer: This story is a part of our April Fool’s edition, The Goofordian. This story was created by Guilfordian staff and is not based in fact. “As an institution of higher learning, Guilford...

Yelp reviewer attacks with one star

Quincy Malesovas, Social Media Specialist • April 1, 2016

Disclaimer: This story is a part of our April Fool’s edition, The Goofordian. This story was created by Guilfordian staff and is not based in fact. The threat of a bad Yelp review is serious — collect...

Goofordian: DBAG protesters campaign against worldwide stupidity

Matthew Jones, Dream Team Member #2 • April 3, 2015

Disclaimer: This story is a part of our April Fool's edition, the Goofordian. This story was created by Guilfordian staff and is not based in fact. Git (noun): a silly, incompetent or childish person. See...

Goofordian: Amtgard lays siege to get real weapons

Annie Fullwood, Medievalist • April 3, 2015

Disclaimer: This story is a part of our April Fool’s edition, the Goofordian. This story was created by Guilfordian Staff and is not based in fact. “Amtgard is everything to me,” said avid Amtgard...