On July 3, 2011, my wife Meghan and I got married after almost five years together. We hosted exactly 100 guests at a funky old barn in a small town outside of Portland, Ore. I wore an off-white dress. My father walked me down the aisle. Our food was incredible. My cousins drank too much wine, danced for hours and we were surrounded by all of our favorite people. It was the most incredible night of our lives. It was also the last night I saw my grandmother.
Early in the morning of Oct. 24, my grandmother, Sylvia Gelblum, passed away suddenly from a heart attack. She was the beloved matriarch of our large, Jewish family — one that includes her 4 children and 9 grandchildren.
When I flew back to Chapel Hill for the memorial, I was reminded of why I’ve always loved my family so much: the Gelblums stick together. We’re a tribe. We needed to be around each other, to tell stories about Gran to people who knew her just as well. Those few days with my family were perfect. In the midst of a whole mess of grief, we had each other.
After the memorial, Meghan and I started talking seriously about moving from Portland, Ore. to N.C. We’d considered it a few years ago, but the timing wasn’t right. Now, we decided, it was.
We plan to start trying for a baby in the next year and want our kiddos to grow up around the fierce love, hilarity and — as my grandmother always said — “happy chaos” of the Gelblum family. We both gave notice at our jobs and began the hectic process of cross-country moving.
Being the daughter of a lawyer (and niece of two), I knew that one of the first things to research were the rights Meghan and I would have to each other and our children as residents of N.C. I assumed they’d be similar to those we enjoy in Oregon as legal domestic partners: hospital visitation rights and medical decision–making privileges, automatic assumption of parentage for non-biological parents and several other financial and legal benefits.
In my research, I was horrified to find that, while domestic partnership is currently in place, on May 8, N.C. voters will be asked to vote on a constitutional amendment that would not only prohibit same-sex marriage, but has the potential to invalidate and prohibit any legal recognition for unmarried couples — hetero- or homosexual.
If passed, Amendment One will ensure that the only legal right Meghan and I will have to each other, and the only right she will have to our kids, is power of attorney. This means that I’ll likely need to work throughout my entire pregnancy and have no choice but to go back to work afterwards in order to provide health insurance for our child and myself. This means that should something happen to me, my family would have more rights in court to gain custody of our child than Meghan would.
It also sends a message to LGBT youth that their home state’s values see them as “less than.” At best, the passage of this amendment may lead to more youth staying in the closet and, what’s worse, could increase the teen suicide rate.
Businesses may be unable to recruit top talent from around the country in order to compete because they’ll be unable to offer domestic partnership benefits. On the whole, this amendment is not only embarrassing to North Carolina, it’s dangerous as hell.
It’s appalling to me that, in order to raise our children closer to family in a state we love, we risk losing any legal recognition that our relationship exists. On July 3, Meghan and I made a commitment in front of the people we love most in this world to build our future together. We, the two of us together, will make incredible mothers. We will host barbeques and family dinners. We’ll go to PTA meetings and soccer games and spend hours at the kitchen table running through spelling words and math problems. We’ll have dance parties in the living room and attend every school play and dance recital. Our children will know that home is the safest place they can be.
Please work to defeat Amendment One. Don’t just vote against it — educate people in your community about the far-reaching effects it will have on our state. This amendment will be defeated if the people of North Carolina understand the true implications it will have. This is not about same-sex marriage. This is about human rights, the stability of families, the growth of business and the very character of our state. North Carolina can be known as the state that took this thing down. Do something.