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The Guilfordian

The student news site of Guilford College

The Guilfordian

The student news site of Guilford College

The Guilfordian

Points off for talent at Dubious Poetry Contest

Jeers and booing filled the Greenleaf Coffee Co-Op on the night of Jan. 27. Passersby meandering in for coffee or a place to do homework were greeted by a strange scene: students and faculty members seated in a semi-circle around an informal stage, openly cringing — and cheering — at the awful taste of the performers in the center.

The event was the first ever Dubious Poetry Contest, brainchild of the Greenleaf Review and faculty sponsor Traci Connor, assistant professor of English.

“It always seems like a good idea to be dubious to me,” said Connor, who was wearing a shirt that read “colonblow: poopin’ is cool.”

Senior Paul McCullough, who served as emcee for the event, also embraced a dubious dress code. McCullough’s shirt featured a teddy bear reading the Bible, and he topped his outfit off with a pair of dark Ray-Ban sunglasses that he wore throughout the evening despite the dim lighting.

“We are taking the ‘try’ out of poetry,” said McCullough in his opening address. “An event that intends to produce work so awful, it wouldn’t pass for toilet paper.”

The performances ranged from unintelligible Latinate mumblings to suggestions on how to write a grad school application.

Connor read an excerpt from a 1950s book on snaring a husband, which suggests hatching a plot involving a beetle named McDougal, short “eek-y” screams and a “real man” at the country club.

Before her performance highlighting the accomplishments of President and Professor of Political Science Kent Chabotar, junior Yezmin Villarreal stuck an unlit cigarette between her lips.

“I’m really serious about writing,” said Villarreal.

The grand prize winner — the most dubious of the dubious — was first-year Paula Martinez for a poem which ended with her writhing on the floor crying, “Why? Why? Why?”

Martinez was ceremoniously awarded a plastic drawer organizer that had been found abandoned outside of Bryan Hall earlier that evening. As she lifted it above her head in victory, the whole thing fell apart and crashed to the ground.

“This is ironic, because I have always won second place in poetry competitions,” said Martinez. “I guess I am the best at being really horrible.”

Martinez was also awarded an honorable mention for the most dubious laugh.

“That’s my real laugh,” said Martinez. “I laugh from my gut.”

“I think this was one of our most successful readings,” said Meredith Luby, senior English major and editor for the Greenleaf Review. “It totally made my day.”

The goal of the evening was to celebrate bad taste, but also to involve people outside of the English department.

“The Greenleaf Review tries to be not only a showcase for the amazing talent we have on campus, but also to involve as many different people as possible,” said Connor.

Plans are in the works for another night of dubiousness, possibly coinciding with Valentine’s Day. If you have ever questioned your own taste, or just enjoy really bad things, look out on campus for flyers announcing more outrageous literary events.

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