It has been 52 hours since the sun was last seen. Its absence from the sky is purported to be the result of a union strike orchestrated by the Sadhus in India. In an attempt to combat ignorance of proper cosmological understanding and to protest the lack of appreciation received for performing their sacred duty, the Sadhus have stopped conducting the ancient ritual that protects the sun in its roundtrip journey.
“We were tired of playing caretaker to a world that offered no gratification,” said Gandahar Tahir, the union’s elected leader. “We’ve labored for years to bring the sun up only to be the brunt of western jokes. So, we went on strike.”
Though recently formed, Tahir’s union has been ensuring that the sun will safely rise for thousands of years. The knowledge has been passed down from father to son within families found in pockets here and there south of the Himalayas.
Eric Mortensen, assistant professor of religious studies, offered explanation for the ritualistic steps that the Sadhus take when following through with what they see as an obligation to the Gods.
“The Sadhus in India greet the rising sun and “bless” it as it sets to protect it in its journey through the underworld, by standing on one foot and looking at the horizon through a complicated mudra (hand gesture) resembling goggles,” Mortensen said. “When performed correctly and on a twice daily basis, the ritual ensures that the sun will be seen again.”
When the Sadhus announced their strike, Mortensen was asked if their threats should be taken seriously.
“Absolutely,” he said. “It they don’t do it, the sun will not rise.”
White House officials declined immediate comment but said President Obama and his advisers were treating the situation as a threat to homeland security.
“We’ll see what people think about the situation when they’re bumbling around running into things,” said union member Praskash Dakar two days ago when the strike had just begun.
Luke Braneded, who runs the highly respected UFO blog, said alien intelligence clearly was behind the strike.
“We all know that Hindu astronomy has been top-notch for centuries. Obviously, they must have made contact with other worlds without telling the rest of us,” said Braneded. “The question isn’t what to do about these Indians. The question we should be asking is what stake do the aliens have in this blackout? If we don’t approach this the right way, we’ll all be waking up to childhood’s end.”
NASA scientists discredited Braneded’s comments in so far as extraterrestrials were concerned, but validated the fact that Hindu astronomy has proven quite precise.
“It is possible that this occurrence is the result of an astronomical anomaly,” said NASA astrophysicist Ben Lando. “Certainly, we are perplexed as to how this could have happened, but humans notice what they are looking for. Because we didn’t believe this was possible, we may have missed the signs.”
Brahmin families in Nepal and India are outraged that despite their best attempts, the Agnihotra (fire offering) ritual which Brahmin’s allege performs the same task, has shown no promise in returning the sun to its rightful place.