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The Guilfordian

The student news site of Guilford College

The Guilfordian

The student news site of Guilford College

The Guilfordian

Falwell a jelly

A recently formed team of paranormal bio-paleontologists from Liberty University announced this week that they have discovered their late president Jerry Falwell’s soul within a single specimen of Turritopsis nutricula, the world’s only known immortal jellyfish.The finding has caused waves in LU’s curriculum, which will be opening a new major, “Metazoan Studies” next fall, and will also spawn a new lecture series, “God, Gelatinous God: Re-imagining Jesus as Jerry knows Him now.”

Falwell’s jelly gains its curious death defying ability through a unique cell development process called transdifferentiation, in which the animal reverts back to its sexually immature polyp phase at the end of each reproductive cycle.

“Cycle is a big word,” said Vice President Randy Doss, “I have a bi-cycle.”

“Pop always was a rounder,” said Falwell’s son, Jerry Falwell Jr., to Fox News. “I just hope he ain’t bored.

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