“We are here to celebrate geekdom, because we are all goddamn freaks!” said Ben Gulley ’05. This seemed to sum up the feelings shared by most attendees of the Yachting Club-sponsored What the Hell Convention (or “Hell Con”), Guilford’s sixth-annual geek conference. Beginning on Friday, Jan. 27, and continuing for the rest of the weekend, Duke hall was invaded by a mass of mostly college-aged, self-described nerds. Attendees were conspicuous with T-shirts with slogans like “I know how to use the scroll button” and their skill with 20-sided dice.
What the Hell con was born six years ago when a Yachting Club member was given a bag of “mind blazingly, eye poppingly bad hentai,” according to Gulley. The members of the Yachting Club then decided “what the hell, let’s have a con!” and appropriately named it so. Since then, the convention has grown from a joke into an actual publicized event, with attendance last year reaching over 200. Though attendance this year wasn’t as high, Hell Con is gaining recognition amongst many locals.
Soon after opening ceremonies ended, Friday’s main event began – Dorm Room Iron Chef. The game pitted some of Guilford’s most dreaded chefs – Pirate Matt Steere, Lumberjack Sonja Horne, and Iron Chef Ramen Michael Nakagaki – against each other in a battle to create the best food using tools and ingredients commonly found in a dorm room.
The resulting entrees were a horrible combination of refried beans, the secret ingredient, with nearly anything else a college student would eat – basically, anything for less than $4 at Harris Teeter. Pizza roll salad, bean tuna and lettuce wraps, and “Tex-Mex” soup containing Vienna sausages and rice were all on the menu for the judges.
The judges gave scores that ranged from “somewhat palatable” to “I believe my soul is dying and you made me want to kill myself.” In the end, Iron Chef Ramen came out victorious with his signature dish containing stacked bread, refried beans, green peppers and radishes topped in cheese.
Junior Michael Nakagaki said, “I feel ashamed that no one is eating my food. But I also feel gratified that I honored my ancestors.”
Saturday night featured the favorite event of many con attendees, the Geek Auction, where men were “sold” to the highest bidder. The winning bidder got both a dance with their man and the satisfaction of knowing that their money went towards Child’s Play, a charity that buys video games for sick children.
“We’ll be mocking the men, treating them like meat and selling them for the highest possible price we can milk out of these people,” said junior Sylvia Toth.
The average price per man was $13, but some went for much higher than that. One duo, dressed up as Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy, ended up selling for $100. Sarah Weiser ’04 was the lucky winner, though she had some help in paying the full price.
“Over 10 people ended up contributing,” said Weiser. “I lost count after a while. I just knew I wanted them.”
All in all, the geek auction raised almost $350 for the charity. After the auction and accompanying dance (with the appropriate fuse of video game, techno and other geeky genres) was the Crapathon, a panel discussing the history of the convention – and an excuse to show the worst possible clips of anime and live action shots that the conventions directors could find.
“These clips are so bad, even I deleted them off my computer,” said senior Kass James.
Sunday afternoon began with the Daikaiju Battle between Greg Black and Ben Gulley, a Godzilla-esque wrestling match over a city made of cardboard boxes. Space Ghost appeared as a special guest and was quickly beaten to the ground. After the mass destruction was over, the audience helped clean up by unleashing their own inner monsters and crushing the remains of the “city.”
The rest of Sunday’s agenda was filled with panels on topics such as “Last Minute Cosplay: F***! I waited Until the Last Night before the Con,” “Fanfiction 101,” and “Social Skills for the Average Geek: How to Stop Rolling Your Own Dice.”
Every year, the convention has featured guests who set up booths, hold panels and sell their merchandise. Last year’s featured guest was Mike Nelson, one of the creators of Mystery Science Theater 3000.
All of the nine guests this year were web comic authors. One of the most talked about was Jennie Breeden, author of The Devil’s Panties, a web comic loved by many members of the Yachting Club. She came to the convention in 2005 and has been publicizing it on her website ever since.
“I got a month’s worth of cartoons from the con last year,” said Breeden. “I’m actually working on the cartoons while I’m here.”
As well as guest speakers, rooms featuring ongoing games, anime, bad movies and Dr. Who were a constant staple in the event.
One popular room, The Jon Hatch Memorial Game Room, featured three-fourths of Faculty Advisor to the Yachting Club Jon Hatch’s enormous game collection. Games included were crowd pleasers such as Apples to Apples, Betrayal at The House on the Hill, Munchkin and Dork Tower.
“Some people in the club call me the anti-deluvian gamer. I have been playing RPGs and other such geeky games since 1980,” said Hatch.
“He’s not actually dead, but it’s always more fun to call it the memorial room,” said Gulley.
“One shot” role-playing games were interspersed throughout the weekend, so called due to the fact that each is played only once. Said games included Mage, AtmosFear, Shadow Run and It Came from the Late Late Late Show, a game based around actors on the set of a B-rated horror movie.
An especially meaningful game to Guilford students was one created by Kevin Bryan based on Sodexo’s table tents advocating balance of mind, body and soul. Skills used in “Sodexo: The Fooding” were useful abilities such as Skim boarding, Art To You, Spring Break, Cloud Watching and Slang.