The Guilfordian

Issue date: 3/30/07 Section: Goofordian World

Media Credit: Kevin Bryan Tony Snow replaces Mohammad Said Sahhaf as Iraqi Information Minister.

Operation Enduring Freedom, the U.S. liberation of the Iraqi people, began four years ago. As predicted by senior military planners, the attack only lasted seven days. With the destruction of the ruthless regime of Saddam Hussein, the Middle East grew to appreciate the United States. Truly, we were greeted as liberators.

The destruction of Saddam Hussein's regime was not without difficulty, however. With Al-Qaeda assistance, he had been able to smuggle in yellowcake uranium and use it to develop his weapons of mass destruction. His newly created nuclear device was then placed inside one of his ICBMs purchased from the Russian mob. The ICBM had previously avoided notice as it was housed within one of Saddam's many presidential palaces.

If Hussein had allowed B-2 bombers to conduct surveillance operations over his country, we would have seen the ICBM before it was too late. Proof of Saddam's weapons of mass destruction almost came in the form of a mushroom cloud over New York. The Russian ICBM was capable of reaching the eastern coast of the United States within thirty minutes.

Although Bush acted honorably, giving Saddam Hussein two days to leave Iraq before the invasion began; Saddam Hussein instead used that time to prepare his nuclear device and to insure his soldiers' biological and chemical weapon readiness.

The Shock and Awe campaign was designed to intimidate the Iraqi military while causing few civilian casualties. This goal was accomplished despite launching 1700 bombs on Bagdad, a city of 7 million. Unfortunately, the two days were enough time for Saddam Hussein to prepare.

The ICBM had been launched and was heading towards New York just as the opening hours of Shock and Awe began. Fortunately, the Bush Administration had prepared for that contingency. The Star Wars missile defense system had just been completed two weeks before. The ICBM was shot down just miles from its target, the former World Trade Center, in New York City.

Some of the Iraqi Republican Guard (not to be confused with Republicans) fled with various chemical, biological, and nuclear weapon materials. Those who fled into Saudi Arabia were quickly arrested by our allies in the War on Terror, the Saudi royal family. Intelligence and satellite imagery shows that some of the biological warfare trucks exposed by Colin Powell instead drove north into Iran.

Continued...

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