2008 Woodie Awards
Scientology for the non-Scientologist
Laird Allen
Issue date: 9/2/05 Section: Forum
- Page 1 of 2 next >
Recently, Scientology has risen into the public consciousness as it is wont to do. It seems that this curiously seductive philosophy has become fashionable once more. Tom Cruise, Sonny Bono, and many other superficial Hollywood people have sworn allegiance to this mutant bastard child of science, religion, psychology and good-old fashioned madness, and now I guess you should too.
Historically, Scientology is somewhat interesting. It was founded in 1952 by L. Ron Hubbard, who was mostly known at the time for being a mediocre science fiction author, as an alternative to psychiatry. Hubbard believed psychiatry to be "barbaric and corrupt", according to his writings, and basically stated that his theory was superior to psychiatry.
The next year, he clarified its purpose, calling it "an applied religious philosophy" when he deigned to be interviewed on the subject and beginning his long climb to the peak of Mount Weird. The faithful followers claim that Scientology cures disease, alcoholism, learning disabilities and any other form of mental illness.
The main key to curing what ails you, according to Scientology, is to give more money to the church and thus get closer to, well, something, possibly God. At the upper levels people will pay $60,000 to advance to the next "circle" and beyond a certain point it becomes so mysterious that it gives me a stabbing headache.
Out of a misguided attempt to be fair to this faith I once attended a scientologist conversion party in Union Square, San Francisco, hoping to get absolutely slathered with enlightenment. Instead, I received a mediocre massage from a man in a Battlefield Earth t-shirt who tried to sell me pamphlets on self-healing using the mystical teachings of a man who is basically a second-rate Robert Heinlein. At this point I excused myself rapidly, feeling betrayed and slightly dirty. This snake-oil new age sweaty festival of fervent determination and cheap sentimentality - it was the faith of the stars? Surely not you, Mr. Cruise, whom I look up to so much!
Historically, Scientology is somewhat interesting. It was founded in 1952 by L. Ron Hubbard, who was mostly known at the time for being a mediocre science fiction author, as an alternative to psychiatry. Hubbard believed psychiatry to be "barbaric and corrupt", according to his writings, and basically stated that his theory was superior to psychiatry.
The next year, he clarified its purpose, calling it "an applied religious philosophy" when he deigned to be interviewed on the subject and beginning his long climb to the peak of Mount Weird. The faithful followers claim that Scientology cures disease, alcoholism, learning disabilities and any other form of mental illness.
The main key to curing what ails you, according to Scientology, is to give more money to the church and thus get closer to, well, something, possibly God. At the upper levels people will pay $60,000 to advance to the next "circle" and beyond a certain point it becomes so mysterious that it gives me a stabbing headache.
Out of a misguided attempt to be fair to this faith I once attended a scientologist conversion party in Union Square, San Francisco, hoping to get absolutely slathered with enlightenment. Instead, I received a mediocre massage from a man in a Battlefield Earth t-shirt who tried to sell me pamphlets on self-healing using the mystical teachings of a man who is basically a second-rate Robert Heinlein. At this point I excused myself rapidly, feeling betrayed and slightly dirty. This snake-oil new age sweaty festival of fervent determination and cheap sentimentality - it was the faith of the stars? Surely not you, Mr. Cruise, whom I look up to so much!
