The Guilfordian

Issue date: 2/4/05 Section: Features

A little lube never hurts...

Part One: Sex and the Semester: What to Expect

More than the act of intercourse itself, talking about sex is a taboo. It doesn't matter who is doing what with whom, but find out about it and it's disgusting.

We like to think of ourselves as liberated college students who have grown away from our parent's beliefs, but put sex in our face or mention it around our ears and we shut down.

I wanted to write a column about sex because I do like to talk about it. The philosophies of sex, the morals behind it, and the act itself consume my mind daily.

I look at discussing sex the same way that others see talking about politics, and we all know how easy it is at Guilford to discuss politics.

I want to approach this column with an honest voice, so that discussing sex will be just as simple and painless.

I intend to be explicit, humorous, inventive, and provocative. I will speak candidly about my beliefs and ideas and encourage you to read and respond with a mutual openness.

I do not view sex as something dirty or something to be ashamed of. I believe when sex is safe and consensual, anything goes. I hope that in reading this column you might come to hold a similar view.

I am in no means aiming to encourage promiscuity or senseless acts of sexuality, in fact quite the opposite. I believe that an honest, no nonsense dialogue about sex enables us all to make healthier, wiser. It will help us pinpoint our needs and desires and learn not to fear them, but to accept them.

I will offer up ways to have better sex, to feel more comfortable with sex, and hopefully, sex will become less wicked and more fun.


Part 2: Four Things to Start Doing in Bed (if you haven't already)

1. Talk.

Never ever be afraid to say to your partner what you do or don't want, what you like or don't like. If your lover goes too fast tell them to slow down. You must not be ashamed to voice your needs. The sex will be better for the both of you, I promise.

This is especially true for oral sex, in my opinion. Ladies, don't get lazy while someone else is going down on you. It is a waste of everyone's time if you don't tell the other person where to go and what to do once they get there.

The same goes for intercourse, if you want to change the position you must go for it. Chances are your partner is feeling the same way, or will be very turned on by your adventurousness and know-how.

If you do not like where the sex is going speak up and make it good for you, it will inevitably be good for them too.

2. Using Proper Tools.

Do I really need to say that you must wear condoms? Well, you must. Even if you are dating someone and you are sure you can both be monogamous, get tested for everything and find a different means of pregnancy prevention before having sex without a condom.

Aside from condoms another important tool to having better sex is lubrication. Ladies, do not be ashamed to get lubed up before you go at it! You can never be too wet, and using lube does not mean that you are not turned on.

It just means you want to get the best out of the experience and that is sexy. For the guys, don't be freaked out if a girl busts out the lube and puts it on the condom. If you incorporate it into foreplay it can be very erotic for the both of you.

Also, lubricant is key for anal sex, don't leave home without it.

3. Having Respect.

Always respect your partner's wishes. If that means stopping when they want to stop, or keeping your mouth shut and not blabbing the details of the encounter, then do it.

Proper respect can only come from proper communication. You can never be too explicit about what you want when it comes to all facets of the sexual experience; the act itself and how it is treated later. This means no name calling, no smack talking, and absolutely no rumors.

Sex is a special and private affair, and you are lucky you got some. Respect that.

4. Having a Sense of Humor.

Okay, let's stop and think about it for a second. What other action in the realm of the physicality of humans do we grunt like pigs, slap our skin against other skin, and spurt liquid all at once? Pretty funny isn't it?

Having sex is probably one of the funniest most bizarre things you can do with another person besides jumping on a pogo stick while wearing pleated jeans or something. If we come at sex as this goofy, playful, fun thing, we will better be able to talk to each other, present new ideas, and have respect for each other.

While I do not mean to undermine the importance and power of sex, it is important to step back and see that it is a bodily function like eating or walking, and that if we can laugh about it then we can definitely talk about it freely and openly.

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